


Kick Drum Heart

by Rocketbear



Category: Eyeshield 21
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Tutoring, Underage Drinking, University Setting, background Panther/Homer, past Panther/Sena, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-10-18 20:23:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 37,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20645150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocketbear/pseuds/Rocketbear
Summary: Sena had thought that he had his crush on Shin mostly under control. He figured it would always BE there, but he thought that their time apart while he studied in the US had done SOMETHING there for a while to help him not be completely embarrassing every time he was around Shin. Something to help mature that crush into, you know, an unspoken could-have-been like in his mom's romance novels (which he had definitely never read in a fit of pent-up romantic frustration after coming to terms with the real reason why Shin was always shirtless and handsome in his fantasies), and not the juvenile rabbit-pulsed sweaty-hands'd tongue-tied infatuation that he was familiar with.He'd thought that, and then second year of university came, and he started failing biology.





	1. Prologue

All things considered, college was going pretty well. Sena had been a little nervous about how his new team would come together-- they were all talented players, of course, and he knew he would gel right along with Monta, Kurita and Riku, but it was always hard to anticipate how people's different personalities would interact in tough situations in advance-- but, a year in, the Enma Fires were going strong. Unsui could be kind of scary, but not like, _Hiruma_-scary, and Sena liked Koutarou and was honestly already pretty used to him hanging around to challenge Musashi, and Mizumachi could always put a positive spin on things and meant well even when he was dragging the shrimp squad into trouble they had _no_ interest being a part of. And after the Youth World Cup and Notre Dame, Sena might have had to (humbly!) admit that he was pretty used to integrating into new teams.

So football was great, and Sena was still relishing being back with his friends in Tokyo. America had been an amazing experience in so many ways, and Sena knew he was a much stronger player and person for it, but it had also been lonely at times. He'd had a lot of fun getting to know Panther better during occasional visits, but there was something to be said for home, and Skype calls and care packages just couldn't compare to actually getting to see Monta, Suzuna, Mamori and the others in person. Even now spread out across different universities, he still got to see his friends and former teammates fairly often, it felt like. There were always games, of course, but then there was also the occasional weekend arcade run with Juumonji, Kuroki and Toganou, or movie with Suzuna, Mizumachi and Kakei, or dinner with Mamori and Hiruma. (That Sena had thought was just "dinner with Mamori," but then Hiruma was just… there. He didn't ask.)

And then there was Shin.

Sena and Shin had had a pretty well-established routine, before he'd gone off to Notre Dame. On the weekends when their respective team practices were lighter, they would meet to jog and sprint train-- and then, over time, to have lunch afterwards. Sena had been nervous about this for a couple of reasons, the primary among them being that he didn't know if Hiruma would approve of this kind of fraternizing with the enemy while Sena was still representing his school, but Hiruma had just waved a hand dismissively and ordered him to "get what he could out of the fucking linebacker." But he had never actually asked for intel (which was good, because Sena had never actually dug for it), which Sena figured was probably as close as Hiruma came to giving his direct blessing.

(The other reasons Sena had been nervous were that he had no idea what he would talk to Shin about, meeting with him so regularly,and that he also had no idea if Shin's invitation was, in fact, an invitation. But Shin hadn't looked surprised when Sena showed up the next day in workout attire at the spot Shin had mentioned he often passed during his solo training, so with a rush of bashful pleasure, Sena had come around to the idea that it had been an invitation after all. And it turned out that his other worries were for nothing as well, as after a few times meeting in companionable mostly-silence, they had found quite a few things to talk about, and not all of them were even related to football.)

So, upon coming back to Japan, Sena had been a little worried that Shin would have moved on from their little training sessions. ("Dates," Suzuna had called them, and Sena had sputtered that it wasn't like that at all!) He'd kept in touch with Shin while he was in America, but Shin wasn't great even with the sturdy absolute brick of a cellphone that Hiruma had scrounged up for him during the Youth World Cup to keep in contact, so most of their correspondence had been passed through Sakuraba. "Say hi to Shin-san and Takami-san for me," "Shin says congratulations on the win and wants to know how you handled the other team's aggressive defense," that kind of thing-- nothing that really compared to their weekly conversations during their training runs.

But when he'd stepped off the field following the unexpected Enma vs Koigahama game on his first day back in Japan, Shin had been there to meet him-- him specifically, not just to dutifully gather information on an opponent. Along with the entire former roster of the Deimon Devil Bats, Sakuraba, Riku, his parents, and, at the surprise welcome home party at Kurita's place that he was abruptly whisked off to, what seemed like at least half the American football players in Japan. Even though he was only _barely_ used to that level of attention in uniform, and not at all accustomed while out of it, it was still one of the best nights of Sena's life-- and it helped that, with the crowd being so huge, he got away with just saying hi, telling a few stories, and answering a few questions before his(?) guests split off into small groups to enjoy the provided snacks and drinks. It was easy, after an hour or two, to find a moment to step outside onto the engawa with Shin for some momentary relief from the party atmosphere.

Shin had greeted him with a small smile, which still made Sena's heart jump in confused delight, even though Shin had been smiling more for a while by then.

"Kobayakawa," Shin had said, nodding an acknowledgment.

"Hi, Shin-san," Sena had responded, feeling weirdly self-conscious. Well-- maybe not "weirdly," by then. But weirdly because it shouldn't have been weird anymore? He'd rushed ahead awkwardly to spare himself from his own thoughts. "Are you, um, enjoying the party?"

"Yes," with the absolute stoicism of someone who didn't even know what a party _was_, and then, "It's been good to see you. I would like to hear about your experiences in America. Will you tell me when we resume our training?"

And Sena had grinned and fallen all over himself to assure Shin that that sounded perfect, and wondered not for the first time why he was ever afraid of Shin's reactions when Shin had never let him down. But, well-- he knew why.

\--So! So, college was going well. Football was great, and Sena's social life was great, and classes were-- fine. Everything was good.

And then second year came, and he started taking biology.


	2. Chapter 2

"I thought I would save it for off-season, since I'm bad with science and I didn't want to take something hard once we're having full practices again, but since I picked _all_ hard classes this semester…" Sena trailed off, taking a despairing sip from where his water bottle was leaned against his side to keep it from tumbling down the hill they were taking their lunch on.

Shin mmh'd and nodded, swallowing a bite of… whatever nutritionally-balanced concoction he'd brought that day… and then added, "Balance is important. You should take care to discuss class choices with your advisor."

"Ahaha… I know, but… somehow I always end up forgetting the registration deadline, and having to pick at the last second…" Sena rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, but then rallied. "I-I'll definitely meet with her for next semester! It's going on my calendar!"

...The only calendars he ever checked were the practice and game schedules in the football clubhouse, but, um, he could change that. Really!

Shin nodded his approval. Sena sighed and aimlessly drew his chopsticks through the rice in his conbini bento. If he thought about the box itself as the cell wall, and the rice as… cytoplasm…? Then...

He wished he could think of a less juvenile metaphor, since the parts of a cell were elementary-level stuff, but he'd never had a head for science. Shin, though…

"How do you remember it all?" He asked, and at Shin's curious look, scrambled to clarify. "I mean! I know you're good at understanding biology stuff, and nutrition and things like that for sports… How do you make it stick?"

"I study," Shin responded a little blankly, and okay, fair enough, Sena could probably stand to do more of that. He made a face at his bento. But Shin wasn't finished, apparently still processing his own answer to the question. "I think about how the information relates to my own body and how I use it, and why my body might be different from someone else's depending on different factors. The cellular and chemical levels of biology are complex, but they ultimately relate directly to a body's performance in everyday life."

Sena nodded thoughtfully, attention captured once again.

"Um… I guess that's the part I think is hard. I'm not great at any of it, but I get more of the questions that are just about memorizing things right-- but then, the application questions…" He trailed off again. He'd just… leave his performance on those to Shin's imagination.

"You aren't grasping what connects the material," Shin finished for him, with the same self-assured air he used when analyzing a team's strength and weaknesses. Sena always appreciated the straightforward honesty and was impressed by that sense of confidence, but maybe it was easy to be that way when you were actually smart like Shin?

"Yeah, I guess! I've studied with the team's tutors before, but it hasn't really helped so far," Sena agreed, and then rushed to add, "Er, I mean! They're really smart and helpful but I'm just, you know, I've never been a great student, haha…"

His nervous laugh faltered under the shift in Shin's gaze. Sometimes-- sometimes Shin would look at him like this, attentive and intense and almost pinning him in place, and Sena wasn't sure what he was thinking. Once upon a time he might have thought Shin was judging him, and a tiny anxious corner of his brain that would probably always be there still wrung its hands at the thought, but-- he'd just been thinking about Shin and his blunt honesty, and he trusted by now that Shin wouldn't shy away from comments he thought Sena needed to hear. Plus-- Shin had made him nervous plenty of times since their arrangement started, but had never really done anything to make him feel _bad._

But knowing that still left the meaning behind that gaze a mystery, and something about that made Sena's heart beat a little faster too.

"You'll pass the class," Shin said finally, with that same confidence. "I can look at your notes to help you study more efficiently, if you like."

Sena stared, heat rising in his cheeks. _Oh no._ This was like when Shin had invited him to solo practice all over again, but there was no ambiguity this time.

"O-oh, no, Shin-san, you don't have to do that! I, I mean, it would, that's really nice, but, you're already nice enough to let me practice with you--" He flustered, hands fluttering frantically in front of him.

Shin frowned at him.

"I asked you to practice with me because it improves my drive and focus." He frowned more deeply, but seemed to abandon whatever follow-up thought was bothering him with a brisk shake of his head. "It's not a matter of 'letting.' And, you will be able to put more effort into your practices if you are not concerned about this class."

"I, well, I," Sena stammered. _You improve my drive and focus_ was pounding through his head again and again like a strobe light. That's-- not exactly what Shin said, but it basically was, right? It was kind of the same thing? Finally, without meaning to, he managed to relent: "I-i-if you want to, Shin-san…"

Shin nodded, business-like, and stood up.

"Then, let's go."

Sena couldn't help it-- he usually tried to keep his cool around Shin, which wasn't too hard most of the time with Shin's aura of placid confidence putting Sena's overactive nerves at ease, but this time-- he all but yelped.

"Right now?!"

"Yes," Shin said, and then offered Sena a hand up like that was the issue.

It did _resolve_ the issue, though. Sena had no choice. He took Shin's hand, let himself be pulled off the steep hill, and lead the way to the train station and back to his dorm.

\---

Sena had thought that he had his crush on Shin mostly under control. He figured it would always be there-- Shin was just too amazing and inspirational to him, too inherently tangled up in Sena's relationship with football and how it changed his life for that to ever fully fade-- but he had thought, you know, the constant exposure through their solo practices and then the period of separation while he was in America…

He thought it had done _something_ there for a while to help him not be completely embarrassing every time he was around Shin. Something to help mature that crush into, you know, an unspoken could-have-been like in his mom's romance novels (which he had definitely never read in a fit of pent-up romantic frustration after coming to terms with the real reason why Shin was always shirtless and handsome in his fantasies), and not the juvenile rabbit-pulsed sweaty-hands'd tongue-tied infatuation that he was familiar with.

He'd thought that, but then there he was squeezed against the wall of a packed train with Shin standing close enough to feel the heat from his body, on the way to take Shin up to his _dorm room_, and he realized that he was very, very wrong.

(He'd realized that his feelings for Shin weren't entirely borne of the pure and passionate rivalry between two young men on the football field in his second year of high school. He hadn't admitted it to anyone, however, until America. Panther had come to visit, and they'd spent some time holed away in Sena's room getting mildly tipsy on some smuggled drinks, giggling and talking about nothing in particular in Sena-Panther pidgin, the unique blend of equally-broken English and Japanese that neither of them ever seemed to have any trouble understanding.

They'd somehow gotten to talking about some online video that Sena couldn't remember now, both sitting cross-legged on the Western-style bed that came with Sena's room, and Panther had swiped Sena's laptop from where it was sitting closed on the nightstand. Between the alcohol, the time that had passed since he was on his computer before Panther arrived, and the easy, comfortable mood, Sena had totally forgotten why this was _a horrible disaster in the making_ until Panther had popped open the laptop and immediately yelped, "Whoa!"

"What?" Sena had asked, not able to see the screen with the laptop positioned between him and Panther at separate ends of the bed. And then it had clicked, and _he_ had yelped, "_Hieeee I'm so sorry aaaaghh--_"

Panther had laughed then, but not meanly, which Sena could tell even with his burning face buried in his hands.

"Nishishi! I didn't know you was so brave, Sena! I only got up the guts to look at this stuff a couple times…"

Sena had peeked up at him between his fingers at that, surprised.

"Panther-kun, you like boys…?"

And Panther had made a face, uncertain and a little self-conscious rather than disgusted.

"Uhh-- well, yeah, I like-- yeah! I guess so! I like both! How 'bout you?" He'd gained some confidence there in the middle, nodding firmly and then shooting Sena another grin by the end.

"Um, both," Sena had agreed, nodding. He lowered his hands slowly, twisting his fingers together in his lap instead.

Panther had mirrored that nod, all cheer again, closing the laptop and pushing it aside as this new topic caught his interest.

"Man, I'm kinda jealous then… Y'all had some cute dudes at Deimon!"

"Ah?" Sena mused, thinking about it. Juumonji was handsome, sure, and Musashi in a more mature way… Taki could be sometimes, when he wasn't being-- himself-- and then--

"H-hahaha, I guess," he'd said, cancelling that thought process. He _really_ didn't need to know whether or not he thought Hiruma was attractive, he decided.

In order to make sure that that idea was well and truly cancelled, he pushed on, "Um, Panther-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever liked… you know, a specific… one guy in particular?" Sena had stumbled over the question, still a little shy about talking about it openly. It's not like he was particularly used to talking about his love life or anyone else's at all, much less while tipsy, and partly in English, much less--!

"Oh!" Panther had said, startled again, eyes going wide… and then he'd smiled wide and sheepish, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah. You?"

Sena nodded, the redness in his face now back down to a warm glow from a raging fire, and grinned himself. It was embarrassing, but this was kind of fun.

"Nishishi! Names on three?"

"Ah-- yeah!"

"One--"

"Two--"

"Three--"

"Homer."

"Shin-san…"

They both paused to take in the new information, and then both giggled, from nerves and the ridiculousness of the situation both. _Suzuna would kill to overhear this conversation_, Sena had thought.

"You and Homer-kun are... close, right?" He asked, smiling at Panther, who'd beamed in return.

"Yeah! He's my best dude. I dunno if he likes guys, though," Panther said. He'd reached to snatch a miniature foam football off of Sena's floor, fiddling with it and turning it over in his hands. Sena watched him sympathetically. It was hard enough crushing on Shin only seeing him on the weekends and at games back home, so feeling like that about your best friend, every day… But, then again--

"I don't know if Shin-san likes anyone," he had sighed. He'd never noticed Shin to be the slightest bit interested even in girls, and romance in general seemed to be entirely off his radar. When he'd told Shin about Kakei and Mizumachi finally making things official-- though Shin would have heard about it eventually anyway, what with Mizumachi all but shouting it from the rooftops-- Shin had merely grunted, nodded, and then said something about how it would strengthen their performance on the field. So that was some kind of positive association with the idea, Sena guessed.

Panther had laughed, loud and long. Sena liked being around him because of that, he thought. Panther's easy-going positivity had the same effect on Sena's skittishness as Shin's calm certainty, even though Panther and Sena together were much more likely to get themselves in trouble than Sena and Shin. It was just.... comfortable, in a way that Sena didn't experience much on his own.

"Yeah, he kinda seems that way, huh? But I bet you if he'd like anyone it's you! You guys are like," and then he'd dropped the football in his lap to do something complicated and zippy with his hands, "_whoosh_, you know? Like that!"

Sena felt his face heat up even more again, but couldn't help but laugh.

"Ehh, no, I don't know what that means."

Panther started laughing himself then, and then the two of them almost lost the plot altogether, giggling with tipsy hysteria between occasional cries of, "_like, whoosh!_"

But eventually, Panther managed to rally back around to his original point, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and tossing the foam football lightly to Sena.

"I meant, like, destiny!" He'd said, and Sena's laugh had died in his throat as he flared bright red and scrambled to protest,_ that was way too much!_

"Ehhh--"

But Panther had cut off his protests, continuing. "Like, y'all was meant to meet each other so you could be who y'all are now! You know?"

It was Sena's turn to look down and turn the foam football over in his hands, thoughtful. The first thing was-- embarrassing-- and not the case at all!-- but _that_… sounded true.

"...Yeah." He'd tossed the ball back to Panther, where it landed securely in his hands with a soft _thp_. "But it's the same for you and Homer-kun, isn't it?

Panther blinked, and then grinned, shy rather than his usual megawatt beam.

"Nishishi… Yeah, you right."

_Thp._

"Do you think you'll tell him?"

_Thp._

"Naw… I don't wanna mess things up with us. He's too important."

_Thp._

"Um... I think Panther-kun is important to Homer-kun too, though."

_Thp._

"Nishishi! Yeah... But what if it ain't the same, though?"

_Thp._

"Yeah… It's scary."

_Thp._

"You gonna tell Shin?"

_Thp-p-p-p._

"N-no! I couldn't…"

_...Thp._

"Why not?"

_Thp._

"..."

_Thp._

"..."

_Thp._

"...I… have no excuse…"

"Nishishi!"

Sena had hidden his face, forehead ducked down to rest against the soft plastic-y fabric of the football, warmed from the constant passing between Sena and Panther's hands.

"I can't even say that I don't want to ruin things, or make things awkward on the field, because Shin-san would never let that happen in the first place…" He wondered what it was that he was scared _of_, since he absolutely believed it to be true that Shin would never let anything short of a disaster come between their football. "I guess… maybe it's like, if he says no, then I can't even think about it anymore? Ehh, that sounds stupid--"

Panther had shaken his head, leaning in attentively.

"Naw, makes sense! But it's kinda like pushing back a match just so you can keep dreaming about winning, right? If you don't think nothing's gonna change!"

...Sena's face scrunched up as he tried to follow the metaphor. "Wouldn't it be a practice match? If the results didn't matter."

"Aw, that's right! It's like a practice match! You can't push back a practice match 'cuz you're scared!"

Oh, shoot, he'd made Panther's point stronger. He slumped onto his side on the bed, defeated.

"Butttttt!" He'd whined, and Panther laughed, letting him off easy.

"Man, I get it! It's scary as shit! I kissed Janice from next door when we was 10 and she whooped me all the way down the hall. 'Least you don't got that to worry about!" He'd widened his eyes as he spoke, faux-serious, emphasizing the danger his young self had found himself in.

Sena cracked up, teetering dangerously close to losing it altogether again, but managed to rein it in.

"I've never even confessed to anyone before, so thinking about kissing is totally…" He'd trailed off there, and then belatedly offered the small football back to Panther as he mused, given that it was useless to him from where he was flopped over on the bed.

"Yeah, I ain't kissed no one since then," Panther had said, leaning forward to reach for the ball, "'specially not a guy."

They'd caught each other's eyes then, suddenly, Sena curled up on the bed and Panther nearly leaning over him to take the ball, fingers brushing against each other over the soft foam. For a breath, the atmosphere became almost unbearable, with what felt like an equal chance that they'd either burst into laughter again, get embarrassed and have to brush over the awkward moment, or…

But then Panther, brave as he always was, had grinned bashfully and made the call.

"Wanna try it?"

And Sena, not one to run away from new experiences anymore, had swallowed hard, and nodded.

They'd kissed for a while, and then done a _little_ bit more than kiss, an inevitability when they'd started with Panther's warm weight pressing over Sena on the bed, mouths exploring new angles and depths between giddy grins and nervous giggles. It had just felt natural from there to experiment, and Sena had ended up with some marks on his neck he'd have to explain away later, and at some point had flipped them so he could straddle Panther's lap, and well, _that_ had led to some other things that might have been halfway accidental the first time, but were definitely on purpose the time after that.

And then even later, when they were lounging half-dressed in Sena's bed and back to talking about nothing, and happened to hear Sena's roommate's key scraping in the door's lock as he arrived home-- well, it was good that both of them had some of the fastest legs on Earth, because while he may have been weirded out by walking in to the sound of the both of them losing their minds laughing from behind the closed bathroom door, it could have been so much worse.

Sometimes Sena thought about that day fondly, and reflected gratefully on how nothing had been changed, or ruined, or even just made awkward by it.)

And those _were_ good memories, but they weren't helpful _right now_, stuck on the subway nearly pressed against Shin's body. They were, in fact, _the opposite of helpful_. Sena tried desperately to cancel any sort of thought process that involved beds, or kissing, or touching, or kissing and touching on a bed. Was his dorm room even clean? He could think about that! When was the last time he had cleaned his dorm room? He wasn't terribly messy in the first place, but sometimes he would be a little slow to change the wastebasket, or dump clean laundry on his--

Bed.

_This is hopeless,_ Sena thought, and hoped that Shin wouldn't notice his nerves or his flushed cheeks at the exact moment that Shin did.

"Kobayakawa," Shin said, his voice as steady as always.

"Y-yes?" Sena replied, his voice wavering like almost-always.

"Am I hot?" Shin asked.

Wait, no.

Sena disengaged his Shin Fantasy Filter, and played the scene back.

"Are you hot?" Shin asked, now staring at him while awaiting his belated response.

"N-no! I'm--!" _Wait, that was a good excuse._ "I-I mean, a little bit! But it's fine!"

Shin was watching him far too closely. Sena tried to suppress a shiver, as that wouldn't marry well with his cover story of being overheated from the tightly-packed car.

"There should be a vending machine to purchase a cool drink from near our stop," Shin suggested, and Sena nodded, thankful for a crumb of conversation to latch onto.

"Y-yes! I'll do that. But really, it's fine. We play in full pads when it's hotter than this, right?"

"True," Shin said, and reached with one hand to cup Sena's face.

Sena startled, heart nearly jumping out of his chest before his brain even registered that Shin's fingers were pleasantly cold against the warm flush in his cheeks. _Oh,_ he realized vaguely through a haze of internal screaming, _he was holding his water bottle in that hand before._

"Sh-Shin-san?" He managed finally, his stomach doing flips from both the touch itself and the thoughtfulness of the gesture. Sometimes, Monta would express that he didn't understand how Sena spent so much time with Shin one-on-one, though he understood Sena's deep respect for Shin as a rival. ("_He's like, some kinda football robot! Awkward MAX!_") But this is the part of Shin-- weirdly sweet, and supportive, and well-meaning-- that Monta didn't see, and that Sena couldn't entirely explain.

"I'm sorry," Shin said, meeting his eyes evenly. "Is it unpleasant?"

"No! No, it's fine," and Sena hoped against hope that Shin wouldn't comment on how breathless his voice was, or on how his face was actually getting _warmer_ under the chill of Shin's cool fingers. And then, with his thoughts too preoccupied with that to pay attention to keeping his mouth from voicing his _other_ thoughts, he heard himself add, "I like it."

He froze. And Shin-- aloof, impassive, unflappable Shin-- actually blinked.

Sena's mind temporarily became so overwhelmed with potential apologies, backpedals, and justifications that he couldn't actually manage to spit any of them out, just staring wide-eyed up at Shin's slightly surprised expression. But then even those frantic, panicked thoughts fell silent as Shin did something _else_ unexpected-- his gaze shifted into that same unreadable intensity that Sena could never interpret, and he moved, fingers brushing over the line of Sena's jaw--

And then a pleasant chime rang out in the train car as a cool, neutral voice announced the next stop, and passengers started shifting in the already-packed car to make their way to the door. Sena jumped, and Shin's hand dropped to his shoulder as he pressed even closer to allow other passengers to squeeze by behind them.

"Sorry," Shin said, and Sena just shook his head, still reeling as he stared fixedly at a random spot on Shin's t-shirt. They were at least pressed close enough together that Shin wouldn't be able to see the blush absolutely radiating from his face from his higher vantage point, Sena noted dimly underneath his more immediate thoughts of WHAT WAS _THAT,_ WHAT _WAS_ THAT?

Was Shin upset somehow by what he'd accidentally said--? Was he going to ask about it?? Had he just-- seen something on his face?! Was it related at all?!? He'd seemed so intense-- and that touch--

_Dooon't think about that._ Not that he needed to anyway, to still be distracted by it-- Sena could swear his skin was tingling where Shin's fingers had caressed his face lightly, as he'd moved to do-- whatever he was going to do-- what was he going to do--?!

Sena risked a peek up at him as the train car started to empty out some, hoping to glean _some_ kind of information from Shin's face. Surely-- when the mood had gotten so abruptly intense, and Sena was still stewing in that atmosphere, surely he'd be able to at least tell if Shin was angry or something--

But Shin's expression was clear, watching the doors of the train car steadily as passengers filtered out. Sena was still watching him when he dropped his hand away from Sena's shoulder and took a step back, no longer pressed almost to the wall with the crush of passengers behind him.

"There are seats available now," he said, looking back down to Sena at last, and blinking as their eyes caught. _Was THAT something?!_ Sena wondered, but rather than digging himself a deeper hole by apologizing and drawing attention to the fact that he had been staring, he blustered, "Oh! Right! Let's sit down--!"

\----

His room was, thankfully, clean. Shin didn't give it any more than the cursory glance he'd given the rest of Enma campus, focused as he always seemed to be on his single-minded goal. Which… in this case, was helping Sena learn how to study more efficiently for biology, apparently. Sena felt another flutter of butterflies in his stomach at the thought. He wasn't exactly unused to being the subject of Shin's intensity-- and this wasn't even _entirely_ unrelated to football, given that Sena wouldn't be allowed to play if his grades slipped too much-- but still, it was… nice.

Nice, and anxiety-inducing. 

"We can sit at the table," Sena said, gesturing to the low table that had come with the room. "Ah, I'll get my notes!"

Shin nodded and took a seat on the floor by the table, eyes tracking Sena as he dug around to find the notebook he kept his biology notes in.

"Here," Sena said upon finding it, nervously taking a seat on the same side of the table as Shin. They would both need to be looking at the notebook at the same time, after all, so…

But Shin seemed unbothered, watching patiently as Sena paged to the start of his notes for the most recent unit in class.

"We're talking about, um, biological membranes," Sena explained, glancing between the pages and Shin's expression. Shin nodded, and Sena blinked as he flipped away in the notebook from the page Sena had just found to the most recent notes he had taken, a few pages later.

Shin scanned the page for a moment, and then pointed out a term that Sena had underlined.

"Can you explain how this concept relates to that one?"

Sena looked at his notes, and then scanned the rest of the page for any context clues. He knew that this entire unit was supposed to link back to biomembranes, but as far as he could tell, the two things had nothing to do with each other. Er, other than both relating to biology… somehow, and giving Sena a headache, that is.

"Er, well… It must, somehow, but, that's sort of the place that I get a little lost…"

Shin nodded.

"I suspected that might be the case from your notes. It looks as if you're only writing down what's in the professor's presentation. That's worthwhile if it keeps you focused, but it's more important to write down what the professor says that connects one topic to the next. Always think about why the professor is sharing the information that they're sharing, and connect it back to other information in the unit. If you can't figure it out from your own studies, those gaps are what you should focus on with your tutors."

Sena stared. He knew that Shin was smart, but he had never thought about how Shin might apply his usual methodical, task-driven process to things outside of football. Like on the field, seeing Shin analyze and break things down into such retrospectively obvious terms was a little mesmerizing.

Shin shifted.

"Did I overexplain?"

"--No!" Sena rushed to assure him. "No, that was really helpful! I was just surprised because you're so right-- I only ever think about what the teacher is saying right that moment and don't try to relate it back to the other material at all. I think that will really help!"

Shin nodded again.

"I hope that it does."

And then-- he almost seemed to relax, the set of his shoulders shifting slightly, and Sena wondered for one absurd moment if Shin was nervous as well.

"Yeah! I'll have to go back through my notes with that in mind. Thanks so much, Shin-san!"

"It's no trouble. You can look at them now, if you like," Shin said, gesturing to Sena's notebook.

The butterflies in Sena's stomach were hosting a full-on dance party, it seemed. He wanted to stay for that…? Wouldn't talking with Sena about all of his notes be really boring--? He knew Shin was a good person, but…!

"O-oh, really? You don't mind? I don't want to bore you or keep you or, I'm sure you have better things to do--!"

"I don't mind," Shin assured him, and after taking a moment to let the warm, gooey feeling in his chest settle down, Sena nodded and leaned in to look over his notes.

It didn't end up being as awkward-- or embarrassing-- as Sena feared, even though he did have a close call at one point when he noticed that with the two of them leaning around Sena's small notebook, they'd inadvertently ended up sitting with their shoulders and legs brushing. He'd saved the situation before his tummy butterflies got too out-of-control by fetching the both of them refills on their water bottles, and they'd stayed like that for some time, discussing the class, improvements to Sena's notetaking techniques, and sometimes other topics entirely.

("Um… Shin-san."

"Yes?"

"What do you do when the teacher's only posted their notes online…?"

"..."

"S-sorry, that was--!"

"Sakuraba prints them for me."

"Oh…!"

And Shin had smiled at him, so even that had been okay.)

When it was time for Shin to leave, Sena walked with him back to the station, thanking him profusely.

"It's no trouble," Shin repeated himself, and then added, "Kobayakawa."

"Yes--?"

"Do you usually study on Saturdays?"

"Oh-- um-- well…" Sena scrunched his face, not entirely sure where Shin was going with that line of questioning and not _entirely_ proud of his answer. "I… try to..."

Shin nodded, unaffected by Sena's hesitance.

"We should do this again sometime."

Wait??? Sena tried to disengage his Shin Fantasy Filter, but when he played back the tapes, it was exactly the same.

"Th-this?"

"Studying." Shin paused. "Together," he added.

Sena tried frantically to process the request. Of _course_ he wanted to spend more time with Shin, but-- could his nerves really handle another day like today? But-- well, it really hadn't been that bad, after Sena had gotten used to having Shin in his room. The train was one thing, but, it wasn't usually that full, there must have just been an event at the Expo Center off that stop a few down from where they'd boarded--

Shin was still watching him. Sena blurted what had been his inevitable heartstruck answer from the start.

"Yes! That would be-- great! Only if you want to…!"

Shin kindly didn't point out that he was the one who asked in the first place, and nodded.

"It should be beneficial to both of us. Dedicated study time will allow us to comfortably maintain our grades, and devote ourselves to achieving our goals in class as well as on the field."

_He even makes having a study date sound cool and noble,_ Sena thought. He smiled helplessly, even as a flush rose in his cheeks at his own mental choice of words. Shin smiled back at him, and he stuttered through the skip in the rhythm of his heart.

"That-- that sounds great, Shin-san! I'll… see you next week."

"Yes," said Shin. "I look forward to it."

Sena waved, and tried not to linger watching Shin's back move away down the station platform for too long before he turned away himself and headed back to his dorm.

\-----

"Was that Shi~n?" Suzuna asked immediately, unphased by Sena's shocked stare. His hand still lingered in the air in front of the doorknob to Monta's room, never having reached its destination before Suzuna flung the door open in front of him.

He didn't even know she was visiting Monta today, he thought numbly.

"She saw you on her way up and we watched from my window. Sneaky MAX!" Monta added in his usual mix of helpful and boastful. Sena didn't think watching people from two floors up counted as sneaky so much as creepy, but he wasn't going to say that, particularly with Suzuna looking like she was going to start putting her blades to work if she didn't start getting answers NOW.

"We came back here to study after training," he mumbled, cheeks heating. He hadn't exactly been expecting to get the full shakedown, but there was no escaping it with Suzuna around.

True to form, she tittered and yanked him into the room, door slamming ominously behind him.

"Ooh! Whose idea? Spill!" She demanded, shoving him down to sit at Monta's low study table, a mirror of the one Shin and Sena had been sitting around just fifteen minutes before. Monta and Sena's rooms were identical in layout and furniture and connected by a shared bathroom, though Sena's room did have fewer baseball posters and bananas lying around. (Okay, well, it had none of those things.)

Monta silently offered him a bag of chips from his own seat around the table. Like Sena, he knew the drill-- and, while he seemed to believe Sena's feeble protests that his relationship with Shin _wasn't like that,_ he had given up on his attempts to support Sena by claiming that he and Shin were just passionate rivals with the true and quiet understanding of two respectful warriors a long time ago.

"I-it was really nothing, Suzuna… I told him about how bad I'm doing with biology and he offered to give me some tips for my notes, so it's actually kind of embarrassing…"

Sena, however, did still have it in him to protest. Sometimes.

"That just means he's looking for reasons to involve himself in your personal life!" Suzuna parried. "It's not embarrassing at all!"

"Doesn't he just want to make sure Sena can keep playing football?" Monta mused doubtfully, unaware of the unintentional attack on Sena's morale. Sena shoveled more chips into his mouth to avoid having to voice his opinion as Monta continued, "They're rivals! Sena definitely keeps him motivated MAX!"

Suzuna made a disgusted noise and flipped a hand at Monta dismissively.

"Even that's suspicious! I don't hear Rikkun talking about Shin coming up to his room, do you? His room!"

Unable to contain it any longer, Sena's head made a soft _thump_ as he buried it in his arms, crossed on the surface of the table to hide his red face. Mournfully, he mumbled through a mouthful of chips:

"He came up to my _room._"

After a beat of ringing silence-- Sena could imagine the dawning triumph on Suzuna's face, and the astonishment of Monta's-- Suzuna crowed, "Even Sena admits it!"

"Whoa…" Monta breathed, voice brimming with the amazement of someone whose understanding of the world has been utterly shaken. "Sena, is Shin really a big deal to you?"

Suzuna, surprisingly, didn't interject, so Sena had nothing to do but answer the question. He nodded quietly, face still pillowed in his arms.

Sena heard a clatter of sounds that he knew from experience meant that Suzuna was doing some kind of victory dance in place, before she flung her arms around his shoulders and pulled him away from the table and into a hug.

"Sena--!" She squealed, shaking Sena in her arms excitedly.

"B-u-u-u-t, i-it's not, it's n-nothing," Sena said unsteadily, voice wobbling with Suzuna's enthusiasm.

"It's not nothing! Especially now that you're spending so much time together!" Suzuna chided, shaking him more aggressively.

"Yeah!" Monta agreed, unexpectedly. He slapped a hand down on the table. "I thought you guys were just rivals, you know? Inspiring each other on the field! But if you like Shin, that changes everything! Your rivalry! Your football! Your training! The stakes are MAX high!"

He pointed at Sena, gaze unwavering and intense, and once again unaware of the inadvertent psychological attack.

"I support you 100%!"

"Ahh…" Sena managed a wobbly smile. He could've done without the "changes everything; stakes are max high" parts, but… "Thanks, Monta."

"No problem, Sena!" Monta said with a flippant grin, and then his face abruptly soured. "Wait, if you got Shin up to your room, does this mean you have more skill with guys than I do with-- with--"

He stuttered to a stop, as if he could have been about to say anything other than "Mamori-san," but it's not like Sena was in any position to judge people for being obvious. Looking at his expression, Sena decided he was never going to tell Monta about Panther.

"No!" He insisted, at the same time Suzuna issued a flat, "Yes."

"_No,_" Sena said more firmly. "I told you, he just looked at my class notes, and…"

'_We should do this again sometime._'

Sena's cheeks reddened as Shin's words echoed through his head again. Suzuna and Monta both leaned forward expectantly, Monta's expression suspicious and Suzuna's sly.

"Aaand…?" They both echoed.

Maybe he _shouldn't_ have confessed, Sena thought, already full of regrets.

"...He asked me if I wanted to start studying together after we train on Saturdays…" He finally admitted weakly.

"He asked you _out?!_" Suzuna shrieked. Monta gaped.

"It's not 'out!' It's in my room! By definition it's not 'out!'" Sena buried his face in his hands.

"But he wants to see you again! You already train all the time, he's totally trying to get closer to you!" Suzuna replied.

"I don't know," Monta said, but he sounded more doubtful of his own words than Suzuna's. "Does that count? It's a normal thing to do with friends, and they're both guys…"

"_That_ has nothing to do with it," Suzuna said firmly to the last point, and then continued, "and think about it! Who's the _one_ person you'd ask to study with, one-on-one, when you don't share any classes or even go to the same school?"

Monta went bright red.

...So did Sena. He hadn't quite… put it that way in his mind, yet.

"_Exactly,_" Suzuna said, crossing her arms with an authoritative nod.

"But… it's Shin," Monta managed to stammer eventually. "Can we really expect him to be thinking like that?"

Sena nodded emphatically, not even taking damage from that one.

Suzuna did at least pause to consider that, but she shook her head with considered resolve.

"Even Shin is human! He's a man too! He has a heart! If he was training and studying one-on-one with his other rivals it might be different, but this is as certain as it gets in love!"

"Suzunaaa!" Sena wailed. His face was never coming out from the safety of his hands again, he decided. Monta reached across the table to pat his head sympathetically.

"Suzuna, that's too much for a man's heart," he chided. Suzuna made a dismissive _pffft_.

"Embrace it, Sena! You should confess to him!"

"I think I've done enough embracing things today," Sena sighed mournfully.

Monta nodded fiercely.

"Don't rush him! Sure, a man has to gather his nerve eventually, but like I said, this changes everything! What if Sena or Shin find an even stronger rival? Will it strain things? What if they can't bring themselves to play against each other and crush each other's dreams?" ("That's impossible," Sena and Suzuna said together, and Sena startled, ducking his head again.) "What if one of them gets into the NFL and the other doesn't? Would it be long-distance? What about the kids? Shin probably shouldn't be trusted to hold a baby, so Sena would have to stay home--! Right, Se-- oh."

Sena, now collapsed behind the table, shook his head from the floor. Suzuna reached to pat him.

"And you said _I_ was too much for his heart."

They talked it over for a while, examining the pros and cons of confessing from different angles. Suzuna mentioned the point that it probably _wouldn't_ impact their football at all, and Sena shared Panther's practice game analogy, and Suzuna gasped in betrayal at the idea that Sena had told someone else first.

"It was different!" Sena insisted, defending himself. "Panther-kun's not around to be weird every time me and Shin-san talk to each other."

"We won't be weird!" Suzuna and Monta protested, but Monta at least already looked like he was feeling guilty.

Eventually, though, Sena managed to move the topic off of his thing for Shin, and they landed on the topic of Suzuna's thing for Karin.

"You like timid football players with a secret resolve, huh," Monta observed, and Suzuna smacked him, and Sena laughed but didn't think he quite understood the looks passing between the two of them. After she finished pinning Monta down with her dagger eyes, Suzuna went on to insist that Karin wasn't a football player _anymore_, but it was nice that she still came to most of the college games for research, so Suzuna could see her there.

"Why don't you just confess to her?" Sena asked, only a little pointed. Just a little!! "Karin-san is a nice person, so even if she says no…"

"It's totally different!" Suzuna said without a hint of irony, secure in her argument. "Shin is totally someone you could take the bold approach with, and would probably need to, but a girl like Karin needs something more delicate."

And, okay, fair enough, that even mostly sounded like she wasn't just making excuses.

Eventually, she had to leave, and it was just Sena and Monta.

"Do you want to play games or something after I get a shower?" Sena mused as Monta went to close the door behind Suzuna. He certainly _needed_ one after training, with the impromptu study session and gossip shakedown besides. "Or maybe--"

He pulled up short as the door clicked shut and Monta looked back toward him, intensity lining every part of his expression.

"Sena…" He said, "we need to talk."

Sena felt a chill run down his spine.

"We haven't… been talking…?" He asked weakly, and Monta bolted over to him, slamming down on the carpet next to him.

"You never told me you were into guys…! Now there's this whole thing we've never talked about! What's it been like? What's your type? Have you ever kissed a guy?!"

Sena's face flared bright red.

"Monta!"

"Don't give me that! You would've told me about a girl, right?! So spill!"

And, okay, that was true, he would've told Monta about a girl. (And likely regretted it, as Monta was sensitive about his own lack of experience resulting from his permanent torch for Mamori, but-- he would've told him anyway.)

"...Yeah," he admitted, head ducked, and rushed to add before Monta could react, "but don't tell Suzuna! She'll never drop it--!"

The impending "mukyaaaa!!" deflated in Monta's chest as he thought about that. He nodded seriously, and reached to clap a hand to Sena's shoulder.

"You have my word." And then, more enthusiastically, "Who was it, though? An American guy?"

Sena wasn't sure that he wanted to talk about Panther specifically, even just in terms of a kiss-- it didn't sound like it was really something Panther talked about openly, so he felt like it wasn't his to share-- but it's not like he would've kissed someone before or after America without Monta finding out about it by now anyway, so that seemed like a safe thing to confirm. He nodded.

"Was it Homer-san? I guess we know you like muscles," Monta mused.

"I don't! Not generally, anyway--! And, I wasn't even in Texas," Sena protested.

"Nah? What is your type, then? I figured it was muscley, because Shin's all," and here Monta flexed in a series of ridiculous bodybuilder poses.

"No… I don't know, really. It's hard to pick something physical," Sena said slowly, idly throwing a chip at Monta in response to his performance. Monta caught it deftly and popped it in his mouth with a grin. "I like people that are intense? Um, not all like Shin-san, since that's sort of impossible, but-- driven! You know?"

"That's a lot of guys in football, though," Monta pointed out. "There's really nothing physical?"

Sena flushed.

"Well, I like handsome guys," he muttered.

Monta, to his credit, just nodded thoughtfully.

"Does that mean that someone like Yamato-senpai is your perfect type?"

Sena frowned, and shook his head.

"No… I mean, Yamato-san is handsome and all, but he's kind of like a movie star, you know? His personality too. But with people like Shin-san or Kakei-kun or Akaba-san," _or Panther-kun,_ "even though they're nice people, it feels more…"

_Dangerous,_ Sena's mind supplied helpfully as he trailed off. He blanched. Where did THAT thought come from?!

Monta, however, didn't seem to notice, and put his own spin on it regardless.

"So you like the wild type that's cool on the surface! Hohhh, that's surprising for you, Sena!" He clapped Sena's shoulder again. "I feel like I've gotten to understand you better."

And Sena smiled at him, a little relieved at how normal this felt already. ...And then elbowed Monta gently.

"You've been talking to Suzuna too much."

"Eeh?? What's with that!"

"Wild, but cool on the outside? You said something so embarrassing so fast…!"

"If it's embarrassing, that's just 'cuz I'm right, isn't it?!"

"Well-- well, you're not wrong, but--!!"

...But, well, he wasn't wrong.

\-----

Later, long after Monta had finally let Sena off the hook so he could have his shower, Sena flopped into his bed for the night just in time for his phone to light up on his nightstand. He checked it-- what was a few more minutes awake, anyway?-- and grinned.

Earlier when he and Monta had been chatting and goofing around, they'd snapped a few photos, pulling ridiculous faces into the camera. Sena had sent them to Panther, and opening the LINE notification, he saw that this was Panther's return volley-- along with Homer, he noted with a smile.

He took another photo of himself for good measure, scrunching his face to its maximum wrinkliness and letting the glow of his phone's backlight wash him out entirely in the darkness of his bedroom, and sent that along with a message in a blend of English and Japanese.

_are you back in houston? tell homer-kun I said hi!!_

A few moments later, Panther responded. This picture was simply he and Homer grinning cheekily, throwing peace signs for the camera. From the look of things, he and Homer were at a mall food court-- probably having lunch, Sena thought, the timezone conversion coming naturally to him after a semester in the US.

_3 day weekend!!! I got 2 get back 2 austin soon but rn its just me homer n granny_

_I aint keeping you up am i???_

_no youre fine!_

_are you traveling a lot on your break?_

_nah not too much, I like bein home_

_o but I got homer hooked up w clifford so they could work on some hs football foreign exchange thing_

_kinda like what you did but bigger you kno? its gonna be big!!!!_

_thats awesome!! clifford-san didnt say anything about that to me when I was in america!_

_yeah!!! homer heard about it n wanted to help since we kinda exchanged w yall in japan lol_

_n hes better at the talkin 2 ppl part since cliffords all smarts_

Sena smiled-- Panther's fondness for Homer was obvious through the messages. He would have liked to have asked him about it more clearly, but since the two of them were together in-person right now, he thought that might be risky. Homer only knew basic phrases in Japanese and didn't read any at all, but if Panther reacted and he got curious about what they were talking about… Better not to risk it. Instead, he just sent:

_yeah! homer-kuns really nice so i bet hell help a lot_

_I wish id been able to hang out with you both together more while i was there!_

_yeah we gotta try 2 get 2 japan and visit yall now!!_

_r you n shin still training together?? cant wait til we can race again LOL_

_every weekend yeah!_

Sena hesitated, not sure if he wanted to say anything more. For all that had happened that day, it really was-- nothing. But Panther was the first person he'd opened up to about Shin, and today had _felt_ special, and maybe he was still kind of giddy thinking about it all.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he typed out:

_he asked me if i wanted to study with him on the weekends too_

And then:

_I told suzuna and monta that i like him_

Panther's reply was nearly instantaneous.

_SENA LOL WHOA_

_hold up im askin homer 2 go get us cinnabons_

_ALRIGHT r you warmin up 2 tell shin????_

_no!!!_

_it just kind of happened_

_its not a big deal_

_were only studying_

_and suzuna was going to tease me whether i admitted it or not_

_since he came to my room_

_I mean just to study_

Sena clutched his phone to his chest and kicked his feet frantically in his bed. He even sounded in denial to _himself_. Raising his phone again, he concluded:

_aaaaa_

_LOL_

_you say all that but it sounds like youre finally prepping 4 that practice match sena_

_you aint gonna wait 4ever right??? it dont sound like its gonna go away_

_its been since high school_

Why wouldn't anyone let him get away with just pining in silence? Sena scrunched his face into a pout for real, and fired off:

_maybe it will!!_

_no way!!!! lol_

_maybe you oughta think of it like a match 4 real_

_like somethin you gotta train 4 you kno??_

_while youre "studying"_

_noooo_

_id be way too embarrassed the whole time if i try that!_

_what about you and homer-kun anyway?_

Maybe turnabout wasn't _totally_ fair play here, but he was careful to type the message all in Japanese, spelling Homer's name in katakana. He was hopefully still in line for snacks, anyway.

_LOL you got me there_

_I aint said nothin_

_thought about it tho_

_maybe i oughta train up some too._

Sena smiled in sympathy, cradling his phone, defensiveness forgotten. Panther was so gracious, it was impossible to even pretend to be annoyed with him. And so brave. Feeling brave himself, Sena typed:

_I will if you will_

And then, immediately:

_"training" i mean!!_

_not actually_

_I mean_

_just to get used to the idea i mean some day ill have to confess to SOMEONE so_

_LOL sena_

_you kno what??_

_alright_

_its a deal_

_its a deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I know Panther supposedly went into the NFL right out of high school but fuck that our cinnamon roll's going to college first
> 
> \- don't ask me how Panther could afford to visit Sena at Notre Dame in high school or for that matter how Sena and Monta's families can afford single-unit dormrooms, okay
> 
> \- also don't ask me if Panther and Sena casually hooking up in the US is actually at all essential to the plot. THEY'RE JUST SO CUTE, DON'T QUESTION IT


	3. Chapter 3

The following week passed in peaks and valleys. Practice always made things feel like time was passing in a blur, and the deadlines piling up as the semester drew closer to midterms made Sena feel like he was sprinting to keep up, but-- now and again when he'd find the time to look up from his books and he wasn't too wiped from practice, he'd remember that Shin was coming over that weekend, and suddenly the week would feel like it was dragging on and on.

...He'd kind of already figured, when he felt compelled to tell Monta and Suzuna, and he and Panther had made their deal, but… he was starting to think that his thing for Shin might be a Problem.

But not a bad one, really. As the week wound down and Saturday edged ever closer, Sena found himself feeling more excited than nervous. Maybe that was silly in and of itself-- they were just studying, after all, so "training" or not it wasn't the most thrilling thing in the world-- but it did feel… nice, and special, to get to spend time with Shin that wasn't mostly about football.

So Saturday came, and Sena jogged to his and Shin's usual meeting spot, and found that Shin had beaten him there even though Sena had left early in his anticipation. But, of course he had.

Sena smiled with a familiar rush of warm admiration, and greeted him.

"Shin-san! Good morning."

Shin looked toward him with a steady gaze, not responding immediately. That had used to make Sena nervous, and then curious once he'd become accustomed to it, until one day Sena had knocked his ankle against a stone curb dodging an errant cyclist on his way to their meeting place. Upon looking him over, Shin had immediately demanded to see it, when Sena hadn't even realized he'd been favoring it-- it hadn't been an awful knock in the first place, and the pain was all but numbed away by the time he met Shin. But Shin had pressed and prodded at it, turning Sena's ankle this way and that, before determining that it wasn't serious and stating his willingness to proceed with training as usual.

So, now Sena just assumed that Shin was checking him over with his muscle vision, and well, that was kind of nice too.

This time, though, Shin paused for an unusually long amount of time even for him, and Sena was on the verge of commenting, smile faltering, when Shin finally gave his customary nod.

"Kobayakawa. Good morning."

Sena hesitated over whether to ask about the delay anyway, but-- Shin was probably just distracted, he thought. He _probably_ hadn't done anything bizarre with his hair this morning on accident, and probably didn't have rice stuck to his face or something, because Shin probably wouldn't notice the first thing and would have no problems mentioning the second. So, instead, he smiled again and asked, "Ready?"

Shin nodded.

"I've stored my books in a locker at the station for our studies afterward," he shared as he began his warm-up stretches, and Sena fought back a blush at the wave of mixed nerves and relief at the confirmation that Shin hadn't forgotten, and was serious about coming over.

"--Right! Oh, and, we could go to Oujou sometime too, if you ever get tired of always coming to my, um, to Enma," Sena said, and then immediately realized that it may have sounded like he was inviting himself over when Shin looked toward him consideringly. "I mean! Not that I mind having you over! You can come over anytime you like! I mean…!"

The day had started with such promise, Sena thought, as his mouth sent him flying straight into the social equivalent of an invisible glass window. 

Shin watched him impassively as his babbled, as always, but when Sena's traitorous mouth finally snapped shut as his brain switched from flight mode to freeze mode, Shin looked away. His expression was his usual mask of indifference, but the glance away seemed a little… deliberate.

_Oh, god,_ Sena thought, _even Shin-san is embarrassed for me._

The thought almost kicked him back into motormouth action, taking a breath to make _any_ kind of excuse, but--

"I enjoy visiting you," Shin said. His gaze was fixed on his feet as he stretched toward them. "But if you would like to visit Oujou University, we could do that next week."

Oh.

"Oh," Sena said, wondering stupidly how he was going to fare during their training today when he hadn't jogged a step and his heart was already pounding. "That-- yeah! That sounds nice."

Shin nodded, directing his gaze back to Sena's face.

"Are you ready to begin?" He asked, and Sena abruptly shook off the odd mood with a nod of his own.

"Yes!"

\-----

The train ride to Sena's dorm was much less awkward this time, at least. With their work-out there as a largely-silent reset buffer, both of them focused on their breathing and their form and the placement of their feet, Sena had mostly even forgotten the awkwardness from before-- but his mood was buoyed still by Shin's simple admission that he liked visiting. It probably didn't mean anything, he thought, but still, it was-- nice! Again.

"Your advice really helped this week when I was in class," he shared as they sat in the straight-backed train seats, bodies swaying as the train glided over the rails.

And it really had-- he'd found himself much more able to follow the lecture and how the unit tied itself together, even if Koutarou had stared at him like he had two heads when he'd meekly raised his hand to ask a clarifying question.

("That's smart," Koutarou had muttered under his breath when Sena had gotten his answer, though, so he took that as encouragement to keep speaking up in class.)

Shin nodded. "I'm glad," he said.

"I really appreciate it! And, not just the way people say that to say thank you, but for real." Sena fiddled with the spout of his water bottle, looking at his lap rather than toward Shin's face. "You're always giving me advice when you don't have to, and it makes me-- know how to work harder. You're really kind, Shin-san."

Shin was quiet-- longer than Sena expected him to be, again, and so Sena risked a glance. Shin looked-- well, his eyebrows were drawn down a little, and he looked… definitely surprised, but maybe also troubled?

"...Thank you," Shin said finally. _Awkwardly,_ Sena's mind supplied, and he watched in fascination as Shin continued. "People often tell me that I am too blunt, or become upset when I try to help. I'm glad that you… no, that I haven't upset you. It's not my intention."

_Oh,_ Sena thought. Shin wasn't troubled. He was… touched?

"Oh! No-- even when you're blunt, I always appreciate it, um, I know you just want people to meet their potential. That you want to help me."

"Yes," Shin said simply. He seemed relieved. Sena's heart squeezed with affection.

"Um…" He ventured, hesitantly. "Does it bother you when people get upset?"

"At times," Shin replied after a moment of consideration. "If I only intended an observation or to give advice, and the other person is hurt. But as captain of the White Knights, it was my duty to give honest feedback regardless of hurt feelings."

"It was the opposite for me in second year," Sena admitted sheepishly, grinning. "I had a hard time being critical, and it's not like I could scare everyone into staying in line like Hiruma-san."

"No," Shin agreed. "You're not psychologically imposing."

There was that blunt assessment again, even as they were talking about it. Sena smiled down at his water bottle as Shin continued.

"But I imagine your personal appeal and your willingness to work hard yourself made you a leader that was easy to follow, for your teammates," Shin said. Sena glanced at him, startled. _Personal appeal?_ "Deimon did well with you as their captain."

"Oh-- yeah, everyone at Deimon was already willing to work really hard, so-- really, without Hiruma-san and Kurita-san before me, I'm not sure how well it would have gone, but we were already a close team."

Shin nodded. "Your motivation and desire to evolve is what allowed Deimon to crawl to the top in your first year. And what has allowed you personally to become such a strong competitor, as well as to gracefully accept feedback."

Sena felt his cheeks flush, but it was a warm, steady feeling, rather than the jittery awkwardness he'd come to expect.

"You always say really nice things," he said, rolling his water bottle between his palms as he looked down toward his lap. "It's hard for me to think about myself like that, especially when it comes from someone like you, Shin-san."

Shin frowned, a barely perceptible twitch of eyebrows and lips.

"Someone like me?"

"Well, yeah," Sena said. He shifted in his seat as he turned to smile at Shin, feeling like he _should_ feel embarrassed more than he actually did. It was only natural for anyone to feel this way about Shin, he thought.

"You always seem so perfect, and like you're good at everything. Like football, and studying, and even your training is designed to be perfect for you, right? Watching you makes me want to work harder, so I can keep being a good match for you."

Shin looked… surprised again. "I see," was all he replied, directing his gaze back out the window across the aisle from them. Sena watched, and thought-- was Shin not used to compliments? Surely he was told things like that by the media and his teammates all the time? But-- maybe, being the type to never be satisfied, he…

"...Shin-san?"

"Yes?"

"Since… you're good at so many things, like I said, and you take them all so seriously… Do you have anything that you're just… okay with being okay at?"

Sena watched Shin's face anxiously, but he looked thoughtful rather than offended.

"...I like to do things to the best of my ability. I understand that many people are not the same way, but I admit that it's hard for me to understand that perspective."

Sena thought that that was mostly a "no," but maybe Shin was still turning it around in his mind. He ventured, "What about… things like using electronics…?"

"Oh." Shin's face fell into the particular mask of blankness that meant he was feeling impatient. Reading the impatience as being directed at Shin himself, Sena grinned sympathetically.

"I do want to be better at using them, but pursuing that goal is… likely prohibitively expensive."

"Ahaha, yeah, it seems rough. It really bothers you, though?"

Shin thought about his answer for a long time. Sena was a little surprised-- of course he _did_ know that Shin had feelings, and had defended that to Monta and others, but… he did seem so unflappable most of the time.

Finally, Shin answered. His voice was quiet, but steady, gaze directed to where his fingers were laced together over his lap.

"I don't enjoy doing things badly. Destroying things in particular causes inconvenience and financial burdens for others."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if he were in weight training. Carrying something heavy.

"Being unable to perform adequately makes me feel…"

Sena's breath caught in his chest as he listened, a wave of shocked familiarity crashing through him, surprise at recognizing something intimately familiar where he least expected to see it. He remembered vividly himself before he discovered football, before he had proven to himself over and over again that he could accomplish things if only he had the bravery to try, that he had something to offer himself and others, that he wasn't…

"Useless," he finished quietly.

"Yes." Shin closed his eyes.

"...You feel like that with everything?"

Sena felt like-- he was pressing too much, or he should apologize for having started this part of the conversation in the first place, or… But if Shin was really feeling like that then surely, surely he needed someone to talk to. And-- since he had answered Sena honestly in the first place, maybe… this was a way Sena could help him, too.

"...Not everything," Shin said after a beat of his own hesitation. "Mostly important things. I try to have a realistic sense of how much I can conceivably excel at each area when there are many things that need my attention. And it has been easier with football for some time now."

"--Really?" Sena couldn't help but interject. "Even though football is so important to you?"

"Yes," Shin confirmed. Finally, he turned his eyes toward Sena, meeting his gaze steadily. "In my second year of high school, I came to enjoy the process of applying myself in football instead of focusing solely on the results."

With Shin's dark eyes on him, Sena felt a stirring of something similar to when they faced each other on the field. He was used to seeing parts of himself reflected in Shin when it came to football, and feeling drawn to that, but this-- these similarities in experience, which he never expected from someone as amazing as Shin… This was different.

He let out a slow breath.

"Football is… amazing, isn't it," he said.

"Hmm," Shin hummed an agreement, his gaze cutting away from Sena. Sena felt a twinge of anxiety-- had that sounded dismissive?-- and continued, to clarify:

"I mean… football did something like that for me, too. I never really thought I could be good at anything at all, and was always just going to go along with my head down without really trying anything, but then…"

"Football showed you your potential," Shin finished. Sena smiled, a little self-conscious, but relieved to see that he and Shin seemed to be on the same page again.

"Yeah. I think it's great that football also helped you feel better about-- um, not being perfect at everything, I guess?"

Shin returned his smile briefly, but countered, "It wasn't football itself that changed that for me."

But, before Sena could investigate that-- _what was it, then?_\-- Shin offered a new observation.

"You still doubt yourself in other areas, however."

"Eh--" Recovering from his surprise, Sena rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well… sometimes, yeah. You're… still hard on yourself about other things too, right?"

"...Yes, sometimes," Shin admitted, with a soft huff of something almost like laughter as Sena grinned at him.

"I guess we can't expect football to change everything for us," Sena said, and Shin agreed, "I suppose not."

Ducking his head, Sena added, "So… I can try to remind you that it's okay to, um, to still have room to grow…?"

Shin was quiet. Sena risked a glance, and startled himself when he saw Shin staring at him, blatantly shocked. Sena's cheeks flared red.

"Er-- I-I mean--!" He started, waving his hands in front of himself. That was so presumptuous--!

But--

Shin shook his head.

"No," he said. "That's fine. Thank you, Kobayakawa."

And then, with a slowly-spreading smile that made Sena's insides immediately melt into so much pudding, he added, "And… I can help you remember that you have more potential than you think you do, as well."

Sena's heart was pounding so loudly in his ears that he didn't think he'd be able to hear anything other than Shin's words ringing in his head even if Hiruma had been firing off his entire arsenal in the next row of seats.

"Yeah," he sighed. "That sounds good."

The speakers on the train chimed to life at that point, announcing the next stop-- Sena's stop, the one nearest to the Enma University dorms. With a cold sliver of reality sinking in to the warm mood, regenerating at least 50% of Sena's internal organs from their current state of mush, he mumbled, "...Starting with biology."

But that made Shin outright chuckle, and Sena didn't think he'd ever be able to feel his knees again.

\---

Studying was also more comfortable this time, to start. Shin sat at an adjacent corner of the table, his own books spread out in front of him while Sena went through his notes and made flashcards.

("Write your flashcards in the form of test questions rather than single terms and definitions," Shin suggested. "This will make you examine the material from multiple angles and ensure you understand the concepts as well as the definitions.")

So, trying to do _that_ kept Sena busy enough that he couldn't get overfocused on Shin and what it meant that he legitimately seemed committed to this… study date arrangement. And if he sometimes swore that he could hear the faint clatter of rollerskates coming from the direction of his and Monta's shared bathroom-- well, they would get bored eventually, with nothing to listen to but the sound of papers rustling and pens scratching.

They did talk too, though, mostly because Sena could only study for so long before all the words he was reading crowded together into a jumbled mess in his head. He _did_ try to keep the interruptions to a minimum, really!, since Shin seemed perfectly happy to quietly and methodically sort through each of his textbooks and weekly assignments in turn. Nonetheless, at one point Sena asked a clarifying question about something in his biology book-- something about enzymes, he thought, since didn't Shin know a lot about nutrition?-- and somehow ten minutes later they were discussing the previous year's Rose Bowl instead, complete with a field diagram drawn on notebook paper.

"Do you think the coach will do anything about it this year?" Sena asked.

Shin shook his head. "His starting lineup reflects the same pattern of overfocus on offense, but without the ingenuity to pull it off. If he had been smart, he would have picked at least one player capable of dealing with aggressive players such as--"

"Panther," Sena chimed with him, grinning. Panther was always humble about it, but he was doing amazing in the world of American college football, and had proven over and over again that he'd truly earned the NFL contract waiting for him upon graduation. Thinking about Panther, Sena was inspired to check the time-- it was late evening in Texas, he saw-- and he sighed.

"We should probably get back to work."

"Yes," Shin agreed, but Sena was surprised to notice that he let the smallest sigh slip himself, as he reached for a final notebook, untouched so far.

"...Which class is that for?" Sena asked, unable to contain his curiosity. He'd never seen Shin appear reluctant about-- well, anything. Was there something academic Shin was actually struggling with…?

"Literature," Shin responded. "...We're meant to write ten original poems on any topic of our choosing."

_Oh._

That made sense.

"Ehh, really?! That seems really hard… We only wrote essays in my literature class." Sena leaned forward as Shin flipped to his most recent work in his notebook. "How many do you have so far?"

"Five," Shin said. "But the professor isn't satisfied with my drafts so far."

Watching the slightly downturned corners of Shin's mouth, the slight pinch in his eyebrows, Sena remembered-- _'Being unable to perform adequately makes me feel…'_

"...Do you want me to take a look?"

Shin looked up at him, a little curiosity and surprise showing in the tilt of his head.

"I mean, I don't know anything about poetry, really," Sena flustered, "but maybe another set of eyes?"

"...If you're willing, I'd welcome any feedback," Shina said with a delayed nod. He slid his notebook over to Sena.

_Strength challenging strength,_  
_Bodies clash on a green field._  
_Undeterred, I run._

Sena felt a little shiver pass through him. Yes, it was too literal, and he could see from the red-penned comments that Shin's professor felt the same way, but-- it was much better than Sena had been expecting, since he'd have probably used the word "football" outright himself. And it was… a little intimate, to read Shin's thoughts like this.

"Shin-san, this is great…!" He tore his eyes from the notebook paper to look at Shin, who shook his head.

"The professor says that it's too concrete."

"W-well, there's that, since it's something that will only make sense to other football players right now…" Sena shook his head himself, pressing on. "But I knew exactly what you were talking about! That feeling."

Shin nodded, a little slowly. "I'm not sure how to make it more abstract, for other people to read."

Sena re-examined Shin's notes, and tapped the word "undeterred."

"For me, I think it's this. Your teacher liked this part; that's why she underlined it! The poem's really about, um, that feeling of being sort of unstoppable, right?"

Shin nodded again, looking between Sena's face and his fingers on the notebook page.

"I think… wanting to feel powerful is something that everyone has, right? And we've all probably had things that have made us feel that way. So it's just… finding something other than football that would make people feel the same as being unstoppable on the field." Sena bit his lip in thought, trying to think of another way to put it, and was surprised when Shin took his notebook back-- to diligently pen a note next to the poem, _generalize the feeling of being unstoppable._

Sena blinked, but Shin looked back up to him, gaze intent, before he could react further.

"What does it feel like to you?" He asked.

"What, on the field?" Sena asked, a little startled. Shin really was taking this seriously-- taking _him_ seriously, listening to his advice. He felt a flutter of performance anxiety, but it was overshadowed by a larger thrill of pleasure at the idea that he might actually have something to offer Shin in return for all his help.

Shin nodded, not faltering in the face of Sena's surprise.

"For me… well, maybe it's different for you, since you're a linebacker," Sena said slowly. He thought about the image of the endzone looming in front of him, nothing in his path but turf, his opponents already a distant memory in the wake of his footsteps. "For me… it's more like being untouchable, than unstoppable. Like wind, or lightning."

_Storm imagery_, Shin wrote. _Wind/lightning._

"We did talk about elemental and natural imagery in class," he said, tracing a finger down the notebook page purposefully, but then paused without indicating anything but empty space. Sena glanced at his expression and saw that he was frowning, but he gave his head a miniscule shake and completed his original action before Sena could ask if he was okay.

"I tried using seasons here," Shin said as if he'd never paused in the first place. He tapped a poem further down the page.

_Muscles atrophy._  
_You appear along with spring,_  
_Promising new growth._

Distracted from Shin's odd hesitation, Sena couldn't help a grin, charmed. _Only Shin-san would write a love poem to football_, he thought. It looked like Shin's professor had mostly given comments on the first line, suggesting edits to make the winter imagery more explicit and push the idea of transitioning seasons, but Sena knew it was much truer to Shin's meaning this way.

"I like this one," he said, smiling, and Shin lowered his eyes back to the page from where he had been watching sidelong for Sena's feedback. "It definitely sounds like you. Are they all about football?"

Shin looked back to him, quickly. There was a slight pinch between his eyebrows-- something a little puzzled. Sena worried for a moment that Shin had been looking for more feedback, or that he'd somehow bothered him by assuming that he wouldn't want to write about anything other than football-- for all he knew, Shin was a really creative person, it's just that the first two poems both were, so--!

"No," Shin said, a little slowly but without any edge of hurt or irritation. Sena swallowed a sigh of relief, his internal spiral stopped in its tracks.

"Oh, no?" He asked. He was achingly curious about what else Shin might think to write about, but it felt impolite to ask. He determinedly didn't peek at the other poems written in neat lines across Shin's notebook, the ones he hadn't been invited to read. "I'm not sure what else I would write about, if it was me…"

"The professor told us to write about anything that inspired us," Shin said. His gaze was as even as ever, but Sena weirdly had the feeling that something was a little different. He couldn't have picked out any particular line of muscle that wasn't lying quite right on Shin's face, but he felt almost studied, as Shin spoke. "Or about thoughts that were weighing on us." After a beat, he added, "Sakuraba said to write about things I like."

Sena laughed at that, Shin's slight frown telling him all he needed to know about how helpful that advice had been.

"That's probably what I would do, but then they'd all end up being about football or food. 'Thoughts weighing on you' seems like a hard one to try!"

Shin tipped his head very slightly, his version of a shrug.

"It was an enlightening exercise, but difficult to do for a grade," he said, tapping another poem on the page. Sena eagerly accepted the invitation to sit forward and take a look.

_A clear path ahead,_  
_A misstep shocks my body._  
_Yet I still feel light._

Sena stared. The first two he had understood, and they had been-- very Shin, for lack of another way to put it. Earnest, straightforward, a little clinical. This one, though-- not only was it _good_, he couldn't begin to actually figure out what it meant to Shin specifically. Something like, being able to carry on after making a mistake? That was a nice sentiment, but-- with Shin's words from the train coming back to him again, he couldn't imagine that was the case.

As he mulled it over, Shin moved to make another note on the page. Next to the teacher's notes about the "atrophy" line of the previous poem, he wrote, _Kobayakawa: "It sounds like you."_

Sena was hit by another wave of that unique blend of anxiety and pleasure at having his words recorded, joined this time by a blush of embarrassment as he said, "Oh-- you probably shouldn't take my comments as seriously as your teacher's! I can barely even read poetry, most of the time--"

Shin shook his head, looking back to him.

"I value your perspective," he said, seriously and with no trace of hesitation or self-consciousness. He added, "The professor encouraged that we seek feedback from classmates, as well."

Sena ducked his head, not able to keep meeting Shin's eyes while he was saying something like that. Sure, he just meant that any feedback was appreciated-- even if it wasn't actually _from_ a classmate-- but it felt nice, and he wasn't going to point that out. Instead, he reached over to Shin's notebook and pointed to the "clear path" poem.

"I-if you're sure!" He said. "Then… Shin-san, I really like this one! It even sounds like a real poem." _Oh-- wait--_ "N-not that the other ones don't! They're good too! I just mean, this one sounds especially poem-y, even if I haven't read a lot of poetry, I mean, I don't know what makes a real poem--"

Why was he like this. Thankfully, Shin just watched him patiently as he repeatedly tried to take his proverbial foot out of his mouth. Giving himself a shake, he desperately pulled it together and said, "It just feels really special! I-I like it, is the point! Um, but-- I'm not sure what it means?"

Shin still just watched him, and Sena shifted nervously. Here Shin was, telling him nice things like "I value your perspective," and then he was just saying nonsense in return like "it sounds especially poem-y" and "I like it even though I don't get it." Did that even make _sense?_

Shin finally broke his gaze to look back down to his notebook instead, tracing his fingers over the lines of the poem. After a moment, he said, "Have you ever felt uncomfortable, yet happy at the same time?"

"Oh," Sena said. His breath abruptly felt caught in his throat. A distant part of him wanted to laugh, to joke, something like, _Well, all of my feelings come with a side of "uncomfortable"_\-- but watching Shin's face as he looked down at his own words, the set of his shoulders as he traced along the notebook page, what came to mind wasn't any random assortment of daily fun mixed with anxiety.

What came to mind was Shin pressing cool fingers to his cheek in a packed train. Shin asking him if he wanted to meet again to study. Shin saying _you improve my drive and focus_ and _I enjoy visiting you._ Shin watching him with that heavy, impenetrable gaze. Shin smiling because of something he'd said.

That heart-stopping feeling, every time, of dizzying delight mixed with aching uncertainty and longing. Uncomfortable, but happy.

"...Yeah," Sena replied, finally. His voice sounded faint to his own ears. "Yeah."

Shin turned his gaze toward Sena once more, almost painfully slowly. Sena was suddenly keenly aware again of their proximity, with him having crowded close to Shin to read from his notebook. He wondered how many times they had been this close on the field-- closer, even-- but here, they didn't have the facemasks of their helmets or layers of football padding between them. They didn't have anything between them at all, really. Just distance.

Shin took a breath. His lips were partly slightly, and Sena couldn't help but stare.

"It's... about that feeling," Shin said. Was his voice always so low? The sound of it traveled the distance between them and sunk into Sena's bones, warming him all the way through.

"I like it," Sena breathed. It was something like the fourth time he'd said it, maybe, but-- it was true. He liked it. The poem, Shin's voice, that feeling. Shin's eyes, still meeting his. Every one of his muscles felt primed, as if he were waiting for the sharp cry of a final _hut!_

But there was no sounding of a starting signal. Instead, Shin closed his eyes after another few too-long moments, inclining his head in a slight nod.

"Thank you," he said, and turned back to his notebook. He took his pen and enclosed the poem in solid brackets, as though it were important.

Sena felt his heart squeeze at the gesture. Shin wasn't looking at him anymore, but the air still felt heavy with the anticipation of a play about to start. He wanted Shin to turn back his way. He wanted to ask him what it was that made him feel uncomfortable-happy. He wanted to know if Shin could feel the heavy press of what-happens-next tingling in his muscles, too.

He wanted to kiss him.

"Shin-san," he said, leaning to try and catch his eye, and Shin turned toward him, and Sena's cellphone chimed in his pocket.

He rocketed to his feet.

"Bathroom," he gasped, but he didn't know if Shin had really even had time to hear him before he was crossing the room in a blur.

He slammed into his and Monta's shared bathroom, almost bowling over Monta and Suzuna where they were lounging on the tiles, and too startled to look guilty for eavesdropping. He barely slowed down as he grabbed them both and dragged them soundlessly over into Monta's room, letting the door close off as another barrier between he and Shin.

"What _happened?_" Suzuna hissed, casting a look back in the direction of Sena's room. "We could barely hear anything!"

Sena buried his face in his hands and shook his head frantically. His heart was pounding like he'd just sprinted flat-out from endzone to endzone. He couldn't believe a mere moment ago, he'd been sitting in hushed silence next to Shin, and--

"I think I almost kissed him," he said, staring at his hands in horror.

"WHAT," Monta yelped, and Suzuna flung herself at him, covering his mouth with both hands. She somehow managed to have a substantial amount of volume as she technically whispered, "You _think?!_"

"I just," Sena babbled, wringing his hands, "I was sitting with him and he was showing me his poetry--"

"MMFF???"

"--and he was just being so sweet about everything and I couldn't stop thinking about when he was touching me on the train--"

"_What?_" "MMMFF!!!"

"--and I sort of got his attention and leaned in like I was possessed and then my cellphone went off and I _ran away._"

Suzuna and Monta were staring at him like he'd just announced his plan to abandon football and become a nomadic goldfish salesman, which actually didn't sound like a bad idea at this point compared to the thought of having to go back to his room and find out if Shin had noticed-- noticed--

But a person doesn't cheer for the Deimon Devil Bats for three years and deal with Taki Natsuhiko for nineteen without always being ready to put out fires, and Suzuna was one step ahead of him, shaking off her shock and grabbing him by the shoulders.

"We're talking about this later," she said in a tone that brooked no argument, "but Sena, you have to get back in there!"

"But--"

"_No,_" she said firmly, shoving him back into the bathroom. She flushed the toilet, slammed on the cold water at the sink, and then left him alone in the bathroom with the door to Monta's room clicking shut behind her to close off his only escape route.

So with no other option, he washed his hands, and his face for good measure, and opened the door back into his room.

"Kobayakawa," Shin said, looking up from the table. "Are you feeling well?"

Sena jumped, and jittered back to his seat-- on his _own_ side of the table, not pressed nearly to Shin's side.

"Huh? Yeah," he said. Thinking on it, dashing off so suddenly for the bathroom had probably seemed… ugh. "I-I'm fine!"

Shin was watching him too carefully, and Sena felt his face flush. If Shin came out with a lecture about fiber and probiotics and digestive health right now, he didn't think he'd be able to handle it, he'd just die on the spot.

But instead, Shin said, "Did you have something to tell me?"

At Sena's deer-in-headlights stare, he clarified, "You said my name. Before you left."

"Oh," Sena said, "I just," and for a moment he could actually imagine it. Saying, _I wanted you to look at me_ or, _I wanted to kiss you_ or, _Shin-san, I like you._

But the heavy, expectant feeling in the air was gone, replaced with crawling embarrassment, and he couldn't feel Shin right at his side anymore, and he couldn't bring himself to do it, "practice match" or not.

But-- Shin was still watching him expectantly, and he owed him _some_ kind of truth. Like training, Panther had said. Practicing doling out little pieces of his heart at a time.

"...I was just happy," he said. "That… you shared that with me."

"...Happy?"

A tiny hesitation, slightly raised eyebrows, a voice just a fraction softer than normal-- they were the only hints that Sena had to go on to know that Shin was surprised, but he caught them. His nerves protested, but Sena pressed on. Maybe he could back down from a practice match, but he couldn't back down from _training._

"Y-yeah," he said, reaching for a pencil on the table to fiddle with, avoiding Shin's eyes. "I know it's personal, so you really didn't have to share any of it with me... But I like getting to know you better, Shin-san."

"...Hmm," Shin hummed, and when Sena risked a glance he looked thoughtful rather than-- well, Sena didn't really know what the worst-case scenario was, maybe just confusion with a lot of embarrassing follow-up questions about why getting closer to Shin would make him happy. Instead, Shin met his eyes and continued, "I don't mind sharing things with you. You can ask me what you like."

His expression and words were absolutely earnest, and Sena smiled helplessly. Just that was enough to max out his happiness meter for at _least_ the rest of the day, and Shin was totally oblivious to it.

His frayed nerves put at ease by Shin's straightforward calm, Sena let himself embrace the return of the relaxed atmosphere and said, "Thanks, Shin-san."

And then:

"Haha, um, in that case, can I ask you to explain ion transport channels to me again--?"

\---

Sena somehow managed to make it through the rest of the afternoon _and_ the inevitable shakedown by Suzuna and Monta, during which Suzuna discovered that the ill-timed text that had interrupted-- well-- that had interrupted the _study session_ was nothing more than Koutarou asking if Sena had the page numbers for that week's biology reading, and vowed to dropkick his cellphone off the nearest tall surface the next time she saw him. But telling her about how the mood had recovered and he'd managed not to completely embarrass himself after that had impressed her enough to get _Sena_ off of her List, so he'd take it.

It was three days later when he was messing around online, way too late at night for anything productive to be happening, when he saw a Skype notification pop up that Panther was online. He swiveled to give his room a quick lookover-- good, nothing totally embarrassing was laying out-- and immediately requested a video chat.

"Senaaa!" Panther's voice, a few full seconds before the video on Sena's screen cooperated and sprang to life to reveal Panther's wide grin.

"Panther-kun!" Sena returned his grin. LINE was nice, but nothing beat actually getting to see each other, even if it was through a computer screen.. (Plus, at least 30% of the grammar in Sena-Panther pidgin was composed of Panther's hand gestures and Sena's facial expressions rather than words, so it really worked better that way.) Somehow never at a loss for things to talk about with Panther, he continued, "That interview your coach gave on Sunday--"

"So cool, right?!" Panther clutched at his heart dramatically on the other side of the screen. "He makes us look so good!"

"He made you sound really cool," Sena teased, and Panther's smile turned bashful.

"Nawww," he protested, but he looked pleased.

"I'm glad you get along," Sena said, genuine. He was _glad_ that Panther's awful high school coach had eventually come around to supporting him, but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't always thought that Panther deserved better. And Panther had found that now at university, where his coach hadn't had to be _convinced_ to see what a hard worker Panther was, and was doing his best to give Panther the best college football experience he could while molding him in preparation for the pros.

"Yeah, he takes good care of us." Panther ducked his head, smile a little soft around the edges for a moment, and then bounced back with his usual beam into the webcam. "But dang! Y'all already translated that interview?"

"Oh! Yeah, Takami-san and Yuki-san try to stay on top of the college football stuff for us, they're really fast these days--"

The conversation flowed easily from there, catching up on the news about football players and friends on either side of the Pacific-- (Mr. Don and Hiruma were always a common topic, given how much of what they did would have been legitimately news-worthy were it not for all the strings they pulled)-- discussing new developments in the NFL, and talking about classes. It was this last topic that was the springboard for a sudden turn in the conversation, when it had grown so late that Sena was _really_ pushing the limits of his bedtime.

"Oh, yeah!" Panther said, suddenly. "How was your study date with Shin? Are you passing biology yet?"

"Oh," Sena said, flustered, and then, "well," and then, as Panther's look of curiosity morphed into a wide grin, "I-it's going better! Biology. And… studying with Shin-san was… nice."

"Yeah?" Panther prompted, clearly amused but not teasing. _And_ not rushing him, which was a refreshing and admirable show of restraint next to Suzuna and Monta, Sena thought.

"Y-yeah," Sena said, and he couldn't help the wobbly, goofy smile that accompanied his words as he continued, "Um, I feel like I got to know him a lot better, actually…"

So he told Panther all about it, omitting some exact details to preserve Shin's privacy, but sharing the gist of how he and Shin had promised to help each other with their different confidence issues, and Shin had showed him his poetry--

"Poems? For real?"

"Yeah! Some of them were, well, what you'd expect, about football and stuff, but some were really good!"

\--and then, inevitably, about… well.

"Why didn't you start with that?! Dude! Sena!" Panther's wide-eyed shock turned into laughter as Sena hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

"W-well it didn't go anywhere! It just got really awkward for a minute, but Shin-san didn't act any different when I got back, s-so…"

"Nishishi! Maybe "training" was the wrong example to use, huh? You're kinda, zero to one hundred with that kinda thing!" Panther leaned forward with his arms crossed comfortably on the edge of his desk, grinning with an even blend of amusement and sympathy. "You almost went full Death March on him!"

Sena laughed even as he flapped a defensive hand at his webcam as if fending off Panther's words.

"It's not my fault! Hiruma-san made all our training like that." He paused, thinking back over what Panther had said. "...Do you really think I'm 'zero to one hundred'?"

"Huh? Yeah," Panther nodded, looking to the ceiling in thought. "Sometimes you've gotta be talked into stuff, but when you decide what you're gonna do you really go for it, you know? That's how you and Shin are such good rivals, 'cept he's just at one hundred all the time."

"I guess," Sena said, slowly. "I'm just not used to thinking of myself as-- intense in that way, even now."

He peered curiously at his laptop screen.

"What type are you?"

Panther looked surprised by the question, and grabbed a soda can off of his desk to roll between his palms as he thought.

"Me? Uhh…"

"You seem a little in-between to me," Sena mused, thinking back to the Panther he'd first met in high school. "Like… you know what you want sooner than me, but sometimes… Well, like with Apollo-san, it took you a while to really fight for a place on the team, right? You were sort of just sticking it out at first."

Panther grinned, a little sheepish.

"So I'm fifty to one hundred instead, huh? That sounds right."

There was a beat of silence, until Sena ventured, "...How's Homer-kun?"

Panther groaned and rubbed a hand over his face, but his grin stretched rather than fading away.

"Don't go and bring him up _now!_"

"Well…" Sena said, trailing off meaningfully with a grin and feeling an awful lot like Suzuna.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it! I'm sitting at fifty and not going for one hundred, I know." Panther leaned his chin on one fist, lips pursed in a frown. "I guess… I dunno how to take it slow, and I don't wanna just go for it, you know? We only got so much time before I graduate, and then everything's gonna change anyway…"

"Ah…" Sena mulled that over, surprised that he hadn't thought of it before. Right-- in two and a half more years, Panther would be joining the NFL, and who knew where that would take him, and if Homer would be nearby? He wondered suddenly about Shin, and whether he was planning on finishing his degree before he attempted to join the NFL, or if he'd stop after completing the required three years of university. He was already partway through his third year, so--

But Panther was still working his way through his own thoughts, and Sena redirected his attention. He could-- think about it later.

"Plus, we already hang out all the time, and he's my best friend," Panther said. "I dunno how to 'train' when it's just gonna feel like normal."

Sena nodded, sympathetic-- it had turned out to be surprisingly easy for him to find ways to get to know Shin better and get a little closer to him, but he could see where it would be hard if he already knew Shin as well as Panther knew Homer. Sure, they'd known each other for years, but not since childhood. Still…

"Um, but… Maybe, you know… Well, if doing things that seem like-- dating-- already feels normal for you and Homer-kun, maybe that's because Homer-kun also feels…?"

Panther actually jolted back from his desk, the video going shaky for a moment as his jaw dropped. 

"Naw, no way!" He paused, apparently giving the thought another moment of baffled consideration, and shook his head rapidly. "You think?!"

"W-well, it was just a thought," Sena said, all too familiar with the conflicting hope and denial that Panther had to be feeling in that moment. Suzuna had pretty much put him at a loss for words when she'd pointed out that having a study group with someone in totally different classes at an entirely different school wasn't exactly _common_, though he still couldn't bring himself to accept that it was a-- a _sign._.

He continued, "Just… um, I feel like if you were going to-- get close to someone that was already a friend, it would probably be by-- complimenting them and being thoughtful and showing that you cared, right? But Homer-kun already treats you that way, too."

Panther opened his mouth as if to protest, but then looked down instead, quiet with obvious consideration.

"...You really think so?"

His voice was soft this time, vulnerable rather than shocked.

Sena nodded.

"Only Homer-kun can say for sure, obviously, but… it just feels that way to me, when you talk about each other."

Panther glanced up, hopeful, and Sena nodded again where he could see. Panther smiled, soft and giddy, and sat up abruptly straight in his chair.

"Man! You just gave me a lot to think about," he said, and Sena smiled a little shyly.

"Sorry," he said, even though Panther's tone hadn't even been jokingly scolding.

"Naw, I'm glad!" Panther countered, but his grin dropped into more of grimace with another thought. "I still dunno what to do to drop hints, though."

"Um, if it was a guy friend other than Homer-kun, what would you do? To make it feel different." Sena _really_ didn't feel qualified to give flirting advice, but well, maybe this would get them on the right track.

"...Say he looked good?" Panther frowned in concentration. "That could feel kinda sudden with Homer, though."

Sena nodded slowly, matching Panther's focus, and then brightened with a thought.

"Um, maybe--! Get him something you think he'd look nice in? To make it feel less sudden!" Then, remembering Panther's financial situation, he hastened to add, "I-if you can!"

But Panther brightened up right along with him, so Sena figured that maybe all those football scholarships were enough to keep him comfortable.

"Yeah! That's something. Thanks, Sena!" Cheerful mood restored, Panther grinned and teased, "You sure you ain't secretly been a Casanova all along?"

"I just told you about running away from Shin-san..." Sena said with a playfully sour look, and Panther laughed.

"Man, speaking of Shin, if you wanna talk about compliments as some kinda signal, I dunno that he's ever said a thing about you that wasn't about how cool you are!"

Sena sputtered.

"H-hey, we're talking about you and Homer-kun--!"

"Kobayakawa Sena can move in unimaginable ways right in front of you," Panther said overly-gruffly, eyebrows drawn and jaw set, "Someday he'll be unstoppable!"

Sena's protests died on his tongue, and he felt his face flare red.

"...Did he really say that to you?"

It turned out that he had, Sena found out before the conversation wound down and he finally had to beg off to go to sleep. Shin and Panther had talked about him on Mount Fuji, way back in Sena's first year of high school. And with that confirmed, Sena could comb through his memory and find-- well-- frankly countless other times where Shin had been openly praising him, both his football and his character, and somehow he'd never really...

W-well.

That was a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- sometimes when browsing the tag I have the thought of "I feel like 'sena has anxiety' is universally accepted in fandom but how come we don't talk about how shin has depression," and I don't know why I thought my dumb university-based romcom was the best place to explore that, but like here we are I guess,
> 
> \- Did I lift the "character A accidentally writes a bunch of love poems about character B" subplot wholesale from Chihayafuru? Yes I did. (By the way WATCH CHIHAYAFURU.)


	4. Chapter 4

They had decided to go to Oujou for their next study group, Sena feeling guilty about always adding another step to Shin's journey back to campus after training despite Shin's insistence that it was no problem. Shin hasn't pressed the issue, however, so it was Sena that left his textbooks and notes in a locker at the station this time before heading to their normal meeting spot.

"You're quiet today," Shin told him abruptly as they walked back that way after training, which-- Sena realized suddenly had been fairly uneventful, as he _had_ been quiet, and had avoided putting his foot in his mouth with Shin for the first time in what felt like a while.

Still, he was surprised that Shin would have noticed, as you couldn't exactly call him talkative himself even on his chattiest days.

"Oh, I guess," he said. "Sorry, I've just had some stuff on my mind this week…!"

Shin was quiet, but when Sena glanced at him as they walked to check that he had heard, he saw that Shin was watching him expectantly.

"I-it's nothing important! Just," Sena paused, losing some of his nervous fluster and lowering his eyes to the ground. "...I was thinking about graduation, I guess."

Two and a half years left for him. He felt the pull to quit at three years and devote himself to joining the NFL before graduation, but-- it wasn't a sure thing, he knew, not like for Panther. And if Panther was sticking it out for an actual degree, he could be patient and do the same thing. (Plus-- he shuddered to think what Mamori would say if he never graduated.)

Shin frowned.

"Are you worried about your grades?" He asked, and Sena shook his head, scuffing his feet as they walked to idly catch at a pebble with his sneaker.

"No, just… Part of me feels like it's still forever away, but another part feels like it's almost here, you know? And after that…" _Everything's gonna change anyway_, Panther had said.

Shin hummed in acknowledgment, but Sena couldn't tell how much he actually agreed, or understood. He took a breath.

"...Are you going to graduate, Shin-san?" He asked. It wasn't his life, or his business even, but the question felt… important. It was the difference between only having a few months before Shin inevitably left Japan, and having a year and a half. Shin didn't do anything by half measures, he knew, but Shin also knew what his goal was and didn't believe in putting work into the superfluous. And-- Shin's family was wealthy, Sena remembered, enough that he could afford some time to pursue the NFL without another career ready and standing by.

But:

"Yes," Shin answered. "Why?"

Sena's heart jumped with relief, which was silly-- they were all going to go their separate ways _eventually_, so did the specifics of the timeline really matter? But he couldn't help how much lighter he felt as he answered, "W-well, I just didn't know if you'd stop after your third year or not, since…!"

"The NFL requirements," Shin finished for him, with a nod of comprehension. "No. I want to develop my skills as much as I can before I challenge the world of the pros."

So his reasoning still had to do with football itself. Sena smiled as he responded, "That's what Panther-kun said, too… I'm going to wait too, but it's a little hard! Thinking about what comes after this is so--!"

Well, terrifying, but also the most exciting thing he could imagine. He couldn't find a word that described that mix of feelings in the moment, but Shin seemed to understand him regardless.

"Yes," he said, and there was a glint of that scared-but-excited feeling in his eyes as he turned a small smile in Sena's direction, and Sena grinned helplessly back.

A year and a half, then. He had a year and a half left of this, of scared-but-excited, and uncomfortable-but-happy, and then after that-- well, he had time to figure it out.

\---

Sena did his best not to gape as they made their way through Oujou University campus. He'd visited for games before, of course, but he'd only seen small parts of the massive campus at those times. And he'd certainly never been inside the university dorms, with their hallways of gleaming walls and vaulted ceilings. Judging by the distance between each door lining the hallways, the dorm rooms had to be bigger than the size of his and Monta's rooms pushed together. He wondered what Shin did with all that space, and felt a little embarrassing flutter of anticipation at the thought. 

It's not like Shin hadn't been over to _his_ room now multiple times, he reminded himself fiercely. It wasn't weird! Or something to get distracted over!

But he still couldn't keep himself from wondering which door led to Shin's room as they walked, until that information made itself suddenly very obvious when Sena spotted the only door along the hallway with a patch of slightly off-color plaster next to it on the wall where every other door had an electronic ID card reader instead.

"This one is mine," Shin confirmed, and Sena grinned as he pulled a traditional key out of his pocket as they approached the door. The knobs on the other doors didn't even have keyholes, he noticed.

"We can eat lunch and study at the table," Shin continued as he led the way into his room, removing his shoes at the door. Sena nodded and looked around the room with open curiosity, taking in the details.

Back in high school, he might have imagined that Shin's room was some kind of gym junkie's wonderland, with a treadmill stand in place of a desk and a pull-up bar in place of a bed, or maybe a cool martial arts dojo. He knew _that_ was ridiculous, but he wasn't sure what to actually expect from the place that his forever training-minded rival was calling his temporary home.

Some things were no surprise at all. Shin _did_ have a workout bench with a set of hand weights in one corner of the room, so Sena guessed that he considered those the essentials, or at least the things he could best use while multitasking without a spotter. He had a Western-style bed and a low study table, like the dorms at Enma, and a neatly-organized desk with an upper shelf full of workout and nutrition journals.

(He _also_ had a full-size fridge, and a tiny kitchenette with a microwave and cabinet space. The room was, in fact, bigger than Sena and Monta's put together, and Sena briefly tried to remember what exactly it was that Shin had told him his parents did for a living, but it had sounded very complicated and involved the words "executive" and "analyst," and he couldn't quite remember.)

The walls of the room were fairly plain, with none of the posters or shelves full of collectibles or knick knacks that Sena might found in his teammates' rooms. Shin did have a corkboard, however, he saw, with one half dedicated to functional papers like what had to be Shin's weekly training regimen and Oujou's practice and game schedules, and the other half…

Sena blinked, and forgot briefly about joining Shin at the study table where he was setting up with his lunch and books, drifting closer to the corkboard. The other half of the board was full of photos. Some were actual prints on glossy photo paper, and others were clearly clipped from the newspaper or Amefuto Monthly. Most were of Shin with his teammates, some candid and some posed at what looked like a variety of team outings or following official football events, but there were a few of what looked like Sakuraba and Shin in middle school, and some where he was with a stern-faced man and woman that could only be his parents.

And then in the top row, all the way to the right, there was a photo that Sena recognized.

"Ah!" He turned to Shin with a smile, pointing out the photo. "I have this one too!"

It was a photo of Team Japan, all the way back from Sena's first year of high school. It wasn't an official shot-- though Sena at least had one of those too, with everyone lined up in their uniforms and trying to look serious for the camera (well, with a few notable exceptions)-- but instead, a candid as they all made their way off the field after shaking hands with Team USA. Hiruma could be seen wheedling an irritated-looking Agon, with Kakei dashing off after a mostly-offscreen blur that Sena knew was Mizumachi, and the looming shapes of Kurita and Gaou behind everyone else as they left the field.

And then, of course, Sena and Monta, chatting enthusiastically with Sakuraba and Shin, enjoying their last few moments as teammates rather than friendly rivals.

Shin was wearing a small, barely-there smile and watching as Sena gestured along with whatever point he was making in the photo. It was one of Sena's favorites.

"Yes, I've seen it in your room," Shin said. Sena blinked, surprised-- he hadn't ever noticed Shin to pay attention to anything in his room but the study table. "I asked Sakuraba to make me a copy when we were reviewing the photos from the Youth World Cup."

"I didn't know you liked pictures," Sena said, which sounded a little stupid, but he didn't know how else to say what he really meant, which is that he hadn't expected Shin to care about pictures. He knew Shin paid more attention to people's muscle tone and movement patterns than their appearances, after all, and he didn't know how much of that a still image could really capture.

Shin shrugged.

"He started taking and printing more photos after that, and I ended up with a collection. From home and middle school, as well. I think he…" He stopped and shook his head. "It's nice to have them there."

Sena was almost unbearably curious about that pause-- Shin could be stilted when speaking sometimes because he chose his words carefully, but that was exactly why he was rarely in the position of deciding better of saying something partway through saying it.

But he couldn't ask about that, so instead he asked, "Did he put them up for you?" It was hard to tell from that pause how much the board really reflected _Shin_, or whether it was just an example of Sakuraba trying to encourage his friend in things other than football, a task he seemed to have taken on after his and Shin's second year of high school.

"No," Shin said, so there was that. "They used to be in a book, but I thought having them out was better."

"Oh." Sena looked back to the Youth World Cup photo, first thing on the upper right of the board. He finally peeled himself away to join Shin at the study table, pulling his lunch and books out of his book bag. "It looks nice! I should organize my pictures better, too."

"Thank you," Shin said, and twisted the cap off of his protein supplement pouch.

"Oh, that's right!" Shin glanced at him, and while he didn't startle-- Shin didn't _startle_, or flinch, or anything of that nature-- Sena could see from the set of his eyebrows that he was startl_ed_, but he pressed on enthusiastically as he dug into his own lunch bag.

"Here!" He said, and offered Shin a plastic-wrapped six-pack of on-the-go protein pouches. "You said the store you usually go to stopped carrying these ones, right? But the health store near my parents' house has them; I saw them the last time I was visiting!"

He'd been thrilled to find them, sitting in a corner with the other workout supplements across from the herbs he'd been sent to pick up for a care package for his grandmother out in the country. He'd noticed Shin making the tiniest of distasteful expressions while they ate their lunch after training a few weeks back, and then had noticed he'd switched supplements, and had asked about it. Frowning, Shin had told him that he couldn't find his preferred brand in person anymore, and Sakuraba had even had a hard time tracking it down on the net.

Shin stared at him with unmasked surprise. Sena felt his grin falter for a moment-- had he somehow picked the wrong ones?-- when Shin reached to take the pack of supplements slowly, pulling them to his side of the table.

"These are my favorites," he said, checking the labels and then looking back to Sena, a puzzled pinch lingering between his eyebrows.

"O-oh, good!" Sena sighed with a rush of relief. "I'm glad I remembered them right."

"Yes," Shin said. He shifted to reach for his right front pocket, where Sena knew he kept his wallet. "You did. Thank you. How much did they cost?"

Sena waved his hands frantically in front of him, insisting, "I-it was nothing! I don't even remember anymore, and anyway, it's a gift!"

Shin frowned, but let his hand settle back onto the table top.

"It's not my birthday," he said, and Sena frowned in turn.

"W-well, I know, but I just happened to see them, so of course I thought of you--" and in that moment he wasn't even embarrassed to say it, because that _was_ an 'of course,' he would do the exact same thing for Monta or Suzuna, "--and I know you were really disappointed when you had to switch to the SportPro brand, since their only drink with the Athlete Certified seal has the wrong amino acid ratios for you, and--"

But here he stammered to a stop in his rambling bid to convince Shin to accept the gift, because as he'd been speaking, Shin's puzzled intensity has lightened instead into a puzzled smile, and Sena suddenly couldn't quite figure out how to coordinate his breathing and his voice at the same time.

"...You remembered," Shin said. He took a slow breath. "Thank you, Kobayakawa."

Sena swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to say, again, that it was nothing, that he and Shin had been hanging out for years and that of course he would remember, that Shin was his friend--

Instead, he said, "You can call me Sena, Shin-san."

Shin blinked, and his lips parted, but there was a beat of silence before he actually echoed, "...Sena?"

"Y-yeah, well, all my other friends do," Sena stammered, unable to look away despite his hammering pulse, "So, you should too, you know? Aren't… we friends?"

Shin didn't answer him immediately, staring, but Sena didn't let it make him feel anxious, this time. He _knew_ they were friends-- maybe not anything else, maybe he'd never be able to ask Shin that question-- but it was abruptly very important that he knew _Shin_ knew they were friends.

He thought of Sakuraba suddenly going out of his way to take and print pictures of Shin with his teammates, and Shin's odd pause when talking about why, and thought that maybe he understood after all.

"...Yes," Shin said finally, dropping his eyes back to the study table. His fingers smoothed over the plastic wrap binding the individual protein pouches together. "Sena, then."

Sena was distantly aware that hearing Shin use his given name _should_ have had him blushing and tripping over everything he tried to say for, oh, the next six hours or so, but he could only smile at the contemplative expression on Shin's face. _This_\-- was worth risking being embarrassed for, but then, he was always better at being brave on someone else's behalf.

Shin looked up then.

"My friends call me Shin," he said. There was still something soft in his expression as he met Sena's eyes.

Sena startled, and, oh, _there_ was the blushing.

He'd asked for this, he realized. Fair was fair, and he couldn't back out now.

"R-right! Okay. Sh-Shin."

The unspoken honorific burned on his tongue, itching to put some distance between himself and Shin's unusually soft, watchful gaze, but he just let it itch and smiled. He _wanted_ to treat Shin like a friend in a way that he would recognize, and-- well. Even if it hadn't been his intention, it looked like he'd accidentally ended up doing some "training" this week as well. Zero to one hundred, like the Death March, Panther had said, where Sena had learned the technique for the Devil Bat Ghost. _Speed up and hit the brakes._

He could do that.

"Shin, do you want me to draw a map to that health food place?" He asked, and Shin leaned forward with interest, and didn't react to his name at all.

"Yes, please," he said, and Sena reached for a sheet of paper, and that was that.

They ate their lunches while Shin explained how the different amino acid ratios in protein supplements affected things like muscle development, weight loss and energy and tied it back to Sena's biology coursework while Sena scribbled notes between bites. By the time they pulled out their textbooks and got to work, it felt like any other day.

\---

In fact, Sena was a little relieved to find that this study group was just as collaborative as the last one had been. They both spent some time making flashcards and then swapped to quiz each other, Shin reviewed Sena's answers to the essay questions for his biology homework, and Sena asked Shin the questions from the end of his history chapter. Knowing that last time hadn't been a fluke was nice, and the thought that maybe Shin was also really getting something out of their study sessions helped Sena relax as they worked.

And, like last time, the last notebook Shin reached for was the red one that Sena now knew was for his literature class.

Sena grinned a little at realizing that even Shin put off the work he didn't like for last, and asked, "How long until that assignment is due for good?"

"Two weeks," Shin answered. "And then for our midterm, we're meant to choose three of them and write two more to submit a collection with a cohesive theme, as well as a paper explaining our rationale for each piece, its placement in the collection, and its relation to the theme."

Sena winced on Shin's behalf.

"That's so much work! Your teacher is really serious about it, I guess," he said, and Shin nodded with a frown.

"We're meant to be honing our skills with these first ten so that we're able to write the two originals for the midterm independently, but I still find the process difficult."

"How many more do you have to do…?" Sena ventured, resisting the urge to peek at Shin's notebook.

"Only two. This upcoming week is for finishing all ten, and the next week is for implementing the feedback we're given this time." Shin paused. "Would you like to look at the first drafts for the new ones?"

Sena tried to sound less enthusiastic-- well, okay, not less _enthusiastic_, but less _delighted_, maybe-- than he felt as he answered, "Oh! Sure! I don't mind at all!"

So Shin passed over his literature notebook once more, and pointed out where the new poems started.

_Sets, reps, calories_  
_These numbers keep me structured_  
_They will make me strong._

"Sensei is not going to like this one," Shin said bluntly, and Sena bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Well, it was important enough to you to write about, so--!" Sena tipped his head as if literally examining the poem from another angle could help him figure out how to help Shin rework it. "...It's really specific, though. Maybe you could make it more, um, vague?"

"Which part?" Shin asked, leaning to take another look himself. Sena sat back on his heels, not looking for a repeat of last time, and mulled it over.

"Maybe the numbers…? Or what they're supposed to be, I mean! Lots of people could relate to having goals about numbers, probably, like money or making paper cranes or getting a high score, or something? You could keep the goal open-ended, too, probably." _Yeah, that actually sounded like it might be good advice, maybe._

Shin grunted an acknowledgment, pulling the notebook toward himself and writing _ambiguous numbers/goal_ next to the poem.

"...Is being strong not a relatable goal?" He asked after a beat, eyes still on the paper.

"Oh--" Sena took a moment to consider the question carefully. It was certain relatable in the football world, but he only barely had more contact with the world outside of football than Shin did, at this point.. "...I think it is, but… more, all kinds of strength? Not just, um, the kind you get from working out."

"Hnn," Shin hummed, and nodded. "I thought including my goal would help to explain why staying structured is important to me, but I suppose it was overly specific."

Curious, Sena leaned to reread the poem, forgetting about his care to keep some degree of safety distance.

"Then-- it was the long line that was the important one, for you?" He reached to point to the "keep me structured" line.

"Yes," Shin confirmed. "...I don't do well without a plan," he admitted after a beat.

_Huh._

"...So the poem's more about how you stay motivated, than the real end goal?" Sena read the poem a third time, seeing a hint of Shin's true intentions peeking through the words.

"Yes," Shin said again, and he immediately printed the word _motivation_ next to the poem. "...Give me a moment, please. I think I can do something with this."

"Oh-- sure!"

Sena pretended to busy himself with his own work again, and instead watched Shin from the corner of his eye as he frowned, wrote, erased, and wrote again. As much as he felt for Shin, having to struggle through this project, he was bizarrely glad that Shin had gotten a professor that was as serious about literature as the two of them were about football. He felt like he'd learned nearly as much about Shin in the last month as he had in the previous four years all together.

Finally, Shin sat back with a nod and pushed the notebook back toward Sena.

"Is this better?" He asked, and Sena read:

_Lined with tally marks,_  
_These pages count every step_  
_Driving me onward._

"...Shin-san, you take feedback really well," Sena said, taking in the words for a second time. "You changed it so much so fast! I think your professor will respond a lot better, like this."

"Shin," Shin corrected him, and Sena flushed pink-- he hadn't expected Shin to be listening so carefully already. "It is your feedback that was so helpful. I appreciate it."

"Oh, well, it's the least I could do," Sena flustered, and Shin frowned, and before he could badger Sena into accepting the compliment, Sena rushed ahead in the notebook. "So, next--!"

_Sunrise and sunset_  
_'Til our orbits cross again._  
_I urge time faster._

Sena swallowed hard. He tried to keep his eyes from widening as he looked over Shin's words, but he couldn't help the way his face warmed even further as he turned over the possibilities in his head. Looking forward to when time would bring you together with another person-- for Shin, that was probably about rivalry, right? Which meant that in a way, sort of, probably, this poem was about-- _Sena._

Shin had written a poem about him. Sort of. Maybe.

"This one," he said slowly, tearing his eyes away from the page to look toward Shin, and he was temporarily struck by the intensity in Shin's gaze meeting his. Almost exactly as if they were standing on the field, ready to face off after another long season of training.

Shin had written a poem about him, definitely.

"...It captures the feeling really well," Sena finished, and instead of shrinking away from that intensity, he grinned the tight smile of anticipation of a good match.

It had been a long time since he'd been afraid of the challenge in matching Shin's intensity rather than excited by it, after all.

However-- unlike on the field, Shin didn't return his smile. Instead he asked, "Which feeling?"

It wasn't a real question, Sena knew. Shin said it with the exact same inflection he used when Sena was fumbling through the answer to a biology question and he intoned, "Elaborate." And they both knew what feeling he was talking about, so Shin probably just-- wanted to hear it in other words, for inspiration. Yeah.

"Like… waiting to face each, er, to face someone on the field again," Sena obliged, briefly dropping his gaze as he fumbled over his words. He probably shouldn't just _say_ that the poem was in part about their rivalry, since, well, Shin had a lot of rivals, so--

But Shin's response was a simple, "Hmm," and he pulled the notebook back toward himself, the intensity cooling from the set of his shoulders and his expression. Sena watched it happen, curious-- Shin looked more relaxed now, but also, somehow-- subdued…?

Which was silly-- it's not like Shin was ever exactly _lively_, even when his intentions to fight and win were rolling off of him in near visible waves-- but there was still something unusual in the way Shin picked up his pencil and tapped it next to the poem without writing anything that Sena couldn't put his finger on.

"...Right?" He questioned, hoping to suss out what it was that was so strange in Shin's expression. "Like waiting to meet your rival, again…"

Shin tapped his pencil against the paper in thought again.

"Somewhat," he said, and didn't elaborate, and somehow Sena felt even more lost than before.

"Was… there something you were concerned about with this one?" Maybe it was like the last one, and the main point Shin was wanting to emphasize wasn't coming through?

But Shin shook his head.

"Not if the message of wanting to see someone again is clear," he said. Oblivious to Sena trying not to choke on air in response to that _way_ too unintentionally romantic spin on the words, Shin continued, "I suppose it might be an overused sentiment, but the professor said that was fine as long as we interpreted it in our own way."

"R-right, even if people have written about it before, it's still your feeling!" Sena cleared his throat, trying to pull some kind of frazzled thought together from the wreckage of rereading the poem through the lens of a love poem instead of a-- a-- rivalry poem? He thought about mentioning it-- would Shin be embarrassed if his classmates or teacher interpreted it that way?-- but, well, it _was_ a good poem, and weren't people _supposed_ to be able to project different things onto a poem? He thought he'd read something like that once! And, well, okay, he just couldn't bring himself to explicitly draw a connection between romance and their rivalry to Shin's face, even if it was to correct it.

(And… maybe he didn't want to hear Shin correct it, he thought, a little guiltily.)

Shin nodded, and poised his pencil next to the poem as if he were going to take notes. He looked at Sena sidelong and asked, "What did you think? Other than the message being effective."

Sena startled at being asked so directly-- not for feedback, it didn't seem like, but for his personal opinion. On something that Shin had written, at least in part, about-- them, but that anyone else would read and think was a love poem.

His face burned, and his tongue didn't entirely want to cooperate, but he could only answer honestly with Shin watching him with that careful interest.

"I-it's perfect."

Shin's gaze dropped back to his paper. After a long pause, he nodded.

Sena let out a breath.

"I'm glad," Shin said. "Thank you."

He didn't end up taking any notes.

\---

They looked over the rest of Shin's drafts-- one about football practice that they reworked into focusing on diligence, and one that Sena wasn't sure Shin would be able to salvage to his professor's standards that hinged on a reference to NFL coach Tom Landry-- and both did another once-over of their to-do lists, and then it was about time for Sena to pack up.

"Thanks so much for having me over!" He bowed repeatedly between shoving notebooks and pens into his backpack. "I always get so much more done when we study together, so I really appreciate your help--!"

"Of course," Shin said. "Your assistance benefits me as well."

Before long, they were on their way back to the station, Shin insisting on walking Sena back-- "You always accompany me to the station," he said, which was fair despite Sena's protests, and, "Oujou campus can also be disorienting for visitors," which was even more fair.

They were just approaching the massive dorm building's exit when they heard a voice calling from behind them.

"Hey, Shin!" It was Sakuraba, a bottle of water in hand, and he and Sena brightened at seeing each other as he drew closer. "Oh, hey, Sena! It's study day, huh?"

"Yeah! We were just heading back to the station," Sena said, and Sakuraba nodded, looking between them.

"All finished up? You guys already had lunch, right? Too bad I missed you earlier, me and some of the others were going to get ramen here in a little bit."

Shin nodded at the question, and added, unprompted, "Sena found a store that sells my preferred protein supplements and brought some for me."

Sakuraba's eyebrows went up-- more than a comment about protein supplements warranted, so Sena knew he had noticed Shin's shift in manner of address toward him-- and he looked toward Sena, who tried desperately not to look like a deer in headlights.

"Sena did?" Sakura repeated, significantly.

"Yes," Shin replied, simply. "And he drew me a map."

"W-well, I just," Sena stammered as Sakuraba grinned at him, "It's right next to my parents' place, and I just saw them there, and Shin was so disappointed when he couldn't find them anymore--" and he stopped there, both because he heard himself use Shin's name sans honorific, and because Sakuraba reached to clap him on the shoulder supportively.

"That was a nice thing to do. I bet Shin was thrilled," Sakuraba said, and Shin nodded mutely. He was smiling, though, a fact that Sena noticed with a part of his brain that wasn't being baked inside his overheated skull.

Sakuraba continued, "But hey, Shin, the reason I was coming to get you was because Coach needed to talk to you about the training programs for the first years. He wanted you to meet him at the office, if you can."

Shin's soft smile faded, and he looked between Sena and the direction that Sena knew Oujou's football field was in.

"Coach wants me?" He repeated, as if weighing whether he had the time, and Sena blinked.

"Yeah, I guess there's a few of them that have diet things, so he wanted your input about adjustments for them since you're the expert," Sakuraba explained with a shrug and apologetic smile. "Don't worry about Sena, I can take him the rest of the way off campus."

"...Yes, very well," Shin agreed after a moment with a firm nod, and fixed Sena with a stare. "Thank you for your assistance, and for the supplements. I will meet you next weekend as usual, and we can go to Enma afterward."

Sena snapped to attention at being addressed.

"Y-yes! Thank you, too! See you next weekend!"

With one last nod, Shin left, and Sakuraba and Sena started back toward the station.

"Thanks for showing me the way, by the way," Sena said with a sheepish grin as they walked. "I'd probably… definitely, get lost otherwise…"

"No problem, it's nice to have time to catch up anyway," Sakuraba replied. "How's studying going, anyway? It was biology you were having trouble with, right?"

"Yeah. Well, mostly. It's going well!" But Sena shot Sakuraba a curious glance. "Shin told you about it?"

"Oh, yeah," Sakuraba said, smiling at Sena in a way he couldn't quite pin down. "He always has a lot to say after you guys study."

Before Sena could examine that too closely-- what exactly could Shin have to talk about with Sakuraba after their study sessions, other than homework?-- Sakuraba added, "I think it's been good for him."

Sena startled.

"Huh?"

Sakuraba shrugged, and Sena stared at him dumbly. Sure, he gave Shin some advice about his literature assignment sometimes, but it's not like he was a poet himself or that Shin was in any danger of failing or anything--

Sakuraba elaborated, "Spending more time off-team in general, I mean, but especially with you. He's been doing better getting out for a while if I ask him, but he doesn't suggest anything himself usually, you know?"

"Oh…"

Sena looked toward the ground, thoughtful. All the conversations he and Shin had shared-- on the train, during lunch, while studying… He wondered how often Shin talked about those things with other people. Did he talk about needing to feel perfect in the weight room? About happy-but-uncomfortable feelings over ramen and nutrition supplements?

"And you got him to call you Sena, huh?" Sakuraba interrupted his thoughts, shooting him a grin. "I was already surprised when you managed to talk him out of using your full name every time back in high school."

"Oh," Sena said, this time with a grin of his own at the memory. It was an exaggeration to say that he had talked Shin out of it-- he'd just meekly broached the topic one day when they were jogging in his second year, and made squirmy uncomfortable faces every time Shin had slipped up after that. But he'd still been so starstruck by Shin at the time, it had felt like an ordeal.

"W-well, everyone else does, so it was just starting to feel weird that he didn't," he said, fiddling with the strap of his bag. "...He seemed surprised that I asked, though."

"Yeah, that's Shin," Sakuraba said with a sigh. "He doesn't think about that kind of thing until someone makes him."

Sena nodded thoughtfully, and shot Sakuraba a little crooked smile.

"It made me a little sad… I guess. But he seemed to get it after I explained?"

Sakuraba returned his smile.

"Yeah… He sort of-- puts things in boxes, and just leaves them alone unless he has to think about them. I was friends with him before football, so I didn't have to argue my case for moving out of the "teammate" or "rival" boxes, but…" Sakuraba sighed again, scrubbing his free hand over the back of his head. "He was out there alone on the field for so long that I think for a while he forgot that wasn't the default, you know?"

_Alone?_ For a moment, Sena almost wanted to ask Sakuraba what he meant-- Oujou was a big team, even in high school, and they seemed friendly enough with each other-- but that thought triggered another memory from high school: Shin, forgoing a celebratory dinner with his teammates to train alone outside.

At the time, he'd only been struck by how ridiculously diligent and powerful Shin was, but thinking back on the difference between Shin in that moment and the Shin in the photos on his corkboard, surrounded by teammates on the bus, in the stands, at a ramen stall-- he felt a little sad.

"--Next weekend," he said abruptly, and Sakuraba glanced over at the urgency in his voice, "do you think-- if I texted you a picture of us, could you print it for him?"

Sakuraba's curiosity shifted into comprehension, and then he smiled with such gratitude that Sena didn't even think to backpedal and babble about how rude it was for him to assume Shin would want a picture of them of his wall.

"Sure," Sakuraba said, and Sena let out a little relieved sigh, and they both laughed.

"I don't mind being his tech proxy, anyway," Sakuraba added after the moment of camaraderie passed. "It's kind of nice to help him out with something, after he, well, kind of carried us for while in high school."

"I know!" Sena nodded vigorously as Sakuraba went to take a sip from his water bottle. "I feel the same way about studying; he's been asking me for feedback on his literature assignment and--"

Sakuraba choked.

"Uh," he said with a gurgly cough as Sena panicked and clapped him on the back, "Shin's been showing you his poems?"

"Y-yes? I mean, I'm not great at it myself, but I guess he just wanted feedback, are you okay??" Sena shot nervous glances between Sakuraba's face and water bottle, distracted from the sudden turn in the conversation.

"...What'd you think?" Sakurba kindly waved away Sena's hands and straightened back up, clearing his throat.

"Huh? Oh… It's been kind of fun, seeing the kind of things he wants to write about," Sena responded, turning the question over in his head. "Fun" was kind of an understatement-- it had been _fascinating_ so far, but it also didn't capture the whole-- well-- embarrassing ordeal of how incapable he was at dealing with reading Shin's inner thoughts without getting really weird about it.

He knocked _those_ thoughts away with a shake of his head and smiled, continuing, "Only Shin would write love poems about football, you know?"

Sakuraba stared at him, and then ducked his head with a grin and sigh, clapping Sena on the shoulder once more.

"You two really were meant to be rivals," he said, and wouldn't elaborate further no matter how much Sena sputtered about _what made him say that??_ all the way until they were waving goodbye at the station.

\---

_shin's calling me sena now…!_

(,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

Flopping into his bed, Sena shot off a series of LINE messages to Panther. It would be fairly late in Texas, he knew, but it _was_ also a Friday night on that side of the globe, so there was a chance Panther was still up. He didn't hold his breath about it, however, dragging his backpack over on the bed so he could shuffle through and get his notes organized for Monday. He was surprised, then, when his phone lit up fairly quickly-- not with a message, but with a LINE call.

"Sena! Can you hear me?" Panther's voice was clear and enthusiastic in his ear, the faint sound of music pulsing in the background.

"Yeah! You're at a party? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Sena responded, grinning despite the automatic apology.

"Nah, it's no problem! I needed a break from being inside anyway," Panther said, and Sena could imagine his own responding grin in the easy brightness of his voice. "So no more 'Shin-san,' huh?"

"Y-yeah." Sena shifted his grip on his phone, a little glad that this wasn't a video call so Panther couldn't see how much goofier his smile got at that. "He had all these pictures in his room with him and his other friends, and he got kind of weird about accepting a present from me, so I seemed like a good time to ask…!"

"Damn, you're better at this whole training thing than me," Panther said, and Sena laughed dubiously, a weak _ahaha…_. "You got him a present?"

"Oh, well, it was just some protein drinks I know he likes; it wasn't supposed to be a big deal…" Thinking back to their previous conversation, Sena continued, "Did you find anything for Homer-kun?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna get him this cool jacket," Panther answered, and his voice dimmed into something a little bashful as he continued, "There's this big dinner thing we're throwing for the team here in a few weeks and I was gonna see, y'know, if he wanted to come along."

"Like a date?" Sena blurted, sitting up abruptly on his bed.

"Naw! But, y'know, it is kinda an important thing, like, celebrating last season and getting us hyped for the next one, but there's other guys that bring friends instead of girlfriends or whatever just so they can party together, and…" Panther came to a mumbling stop, and then laughed with a little sigh. "It would kinda feel like a date, though!"

"It sounds like a big deal," Sena said sympathetically, without pressing further. Something in that little laughing sigh of Panther's told him that his friend was still sorting through some important thoughts.

"Yeah! Yeah, kinda," Panther answered. After a brief pause, the music in the background filling in the space between Panther's hesitation and Sena's expectant quiet, he continued. "I'm excited about it, asking and all, but it still feels kinda…"

"Overwhelming?" Sena offered. Part of him wanted to rush forward and make some kind of joke, or ask Panther about the party he was at, something to help Panther return to the easy cheerful mood he'd started the call with, but-- even if the timing was bad, this sounded like a conversation Panther needed to have.

"Yeah," Panther sighed. "It kinda makes me think about the future again, y'know? Like-- fancy dinners and press conferences and all that stuff-- that's gonna be a lot of it, right? In the NFL."

"Mmh," Sena agreed quietly, letting Panther work his way around to his point.

"So that's crazy enough, and then it's like… can I really drag someone else into that with me? I mean, I know I'm getting ahead of myself and all, but it's still like, whoa!"

Panther tacked on the last of it in an exaggerated tone of bewilderment, going for a joke to lighten the mood, but Sena could hear the genuine conflict throughout his words.

Carefully, he responded, "What do you mean by dragging someone else in?"

"I dunno, man, it just feels like… even college football has people treating you special all the time, right? It seems kinda-- making your girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever come to all this stuff that's about how cool you are-- like, who wouldn't get sick of that!" Panther laughed.

Sena frowned.

"Um, well," he said, haltingly, sorting out his own thoughts. "I think that person-- whoever they are-- they're the person that should think you deserve all those dinners the most, right?"

There was a brief pause from Panther's end of the line, before he laughed awkwardly.

"Well, maybe," he said. "Is there really anyone like that, though? It just seems wild to me!"

Ohh. Sena understood, suddenly, where Panther was coming from.

"...It's hard to see yourself that way, huh… The way other people talk about you." He sank back against his mattress, watching the ceiling without seeing it.

"...Yeah." Panther's voice had lost its mask of levity. He sighed. "I'm just Patrick, y'know? I'm just fast. So hearing people say all that stuff about me without saying anything back is like… wow, I got them fooled, huh?"

"Mmh…" Sena sighed himself, drawing his knees up as he thought. "I'm the worst person… to say all this, because I usually feel the same way at those things, but-- when I see other people getting recognized, I've never had that feeling, right? Of-- 'really, they chose that person?' Like I'm afraid of people thinking about me. It just makes me want to work harder, you know?"

"I know, yeah! Me too." Panther's voice was a little brighter with interest and understanding as Sena spoke, and Sena nodded energetically as he picked up some steam.

"Seeing other people get recognized is inspiring! So… so, I think it's fine to accept that kind of thing."

"Nishishi… You ain't wrong, I know it." Still, Panther made a little frustrated groan. "I just dunno, man. With Homer there's that extra feel 'cause football was his dream too, y'know? So dragging him into that world with me, but on the sidelines, feels…"

That _would_ feel weird, Sena realized, and he frowned on Panther's behalf as he worked through his thoughts.

"Does Homer-kun seem sad? When you talk to him about the NFL?"

"Well-- nah, he's excited for me! And always talking about if another team is gonna try to offer me a bigger contract and all that, but just because he's a good friend don't mean that it don't bother him too, y'know?"

Sena nodded thoughtfully, though Panther couldn't see him. That was true, and yet…

"Even if it does-- when it comes to Homer-kun, whether it's dating or being friends, that's something he can decide for himself, right? He knows what the NFL will mean for you as much as the rest of us, so if he decides that he wants to stay with you or support you, or-- w-well-- it's because he's decided to." Sena paused abruptly, self-conscious. "R-right? It's not like I'm an expert or anything, but that's what I'd think!"

The expected kind laugh at his awkwardness didn't come, however. Instead, Panther's voice was serious and thoughtful as he responded, "Let him decide, huh…"

"...Yeah."

"Ahh, that's so hard to do!" Panther did laugh then, and Sena smiled as he imagined Panther ruefully scrubbing a hand over his head. "Feels like letting somebody spoil you, y'know?!"

"Yeah," Sena said again, with a sympathetic huff of laughter. He thought back to Shin's room, Shin reaching for his wallet. "Um, but… I think-- earlier, when I was at Shin's and gave him those drinks, it made me a little sad, you know? Because-- at first, he acted like he should pay me back for them, or like it was an obligation gift or something. But I got them for him because I thought it would make him happy. And-- it made _me_ happy when he did accept them! Right? That he-- let me do something nice for him. Um, does that make sense?"

Panther hummed thoughtfully, but answered easily enough. 

"...Like-- letting somebody support you's kinda like giving them a present back?"

"Yeah!" Sena smiled with relief that somehow, his babbling had made sense. "If someone thinks of you, and you turn that down, even if it's because you think you don't deserve it-- it'll just make them sad, right? Because-- it's their feelings."

"...That makes sense." Sena heard the gentle static of Panther taking a slow breath over the phone. "That makes a lot of sense! Damn, I gotta get better at that. Nishishi!"

"Well, me too," Sena admitted, glad to hear the light, cheerful quality he recognized return to Panther's voice. "It's one thing to be able to recognize it, but…"

"But acting on it's totally different!" Panther was all good humor again, but he did pause before continuing, "...You think I should invite him, then?"

"Yeah!" Feeling buoyed by Panther's rising spirits himself, Sena said, "Homer-kun plays for his university too, right? So it should be fun for him to talk to players from another division. And-- maybe he can get more support for the exchange program he's setting up with Clifford-san!"

"Oooh!!" Panther's enthusiasm temporarily blotted out the distant strains of music over the phone. "I didn't even think of that! The guys could get him in touch with their high school coaches, or maybe even Coach would wanna help since he knows all about you'n'Shin and the rest of Team Japan from back then. Now you're thinking, Sena!"

"W-well--!" Sena flustered under the praise, as he always did. "I just-- think it would be nice, if you could support each other's goals at the same time…!"

"...Yeah." Panther's voice was warm and calm, and Sena relaxed at hearing it. "Homer's been working real hard with his own football stuff, so-- I gotta remember that, too! I wanna see him go as far as he can!"

"Right. It's normal… to want to see the people you're close to succeed, right?" _I can help you remember that you have more potential than you think you do_, Shin had said. "So… I know Homer-kun thinks the same way about you."

"...Thanks, Sena. I know you're right! We been friends since forever, so I dunno why I suddenly got all in my head about him being there for me. Too much stuff changing too fast, I guess." But Panther's tone was contemplative rather than self-deprecating over the line, and Sena hummed thoughtfully.

"It is… a lot to think about. After we talked before…" Sena paused, suddenly embarrassed, but it wasn't like Panther hadn't been opening up to _him._ "--well, I asked Shin today if he was going to finish his degree or not, since…"

"Aw, yeah, thinking about graduating's totally crazy," Panther sympathized. "What'd he say?"

"H-he is! But it was a little-- you know-- thinking that this year might be his last. Even though I know we're all going to graduate anyway, and he's going to before me no matter what…" Sena rolled onto his stomach on his mattress, muffling a sigh into his pillow as he mumbled to a stop.

"That'd really put the pressure on to confess, huh," Panther said in utter earnest, and then laughed when Sena sputtered. "Naw, but I know what you mean! Knowing what's coming don't make it less scary. You two, though-- I don't think y'all gotta worry about splitting up for long!"

Sena grunted a dubious noise into his pillow and then turned his face so he could speak into the phone.

"Why not?"

"I said it back in the day, right? Y'all are like _whoosh!_ Destined!"

Sena thought he could _hear_ Panther's beaming grin through the phone as Sena squawked in an equal blend of indignation and amusement at the sudden memory.

"Eeeh, you remember that?!"

"Nishishi! 'Course I do! You know I'm right!"

Disguising his giggles behind a pouting tone, Sena protested, "I still don't even know what that means!"

...And then, knowing he was going to make things worse for himself, but also that it would make Panther laugh, he mumbled, "But Sakuraba-san said the same thing."

"Really?! Nishishi! See! It's obvious!" And while he did laugh, as he continued, Panther's tone grew warmer, leaving a little of his teasing tone behind. "Y'all are gonna keep pushing each other to get stronger 'long as you can, I know it. And I'm glad, 'cause that means I'll get to play you too!"

Sena closed his eyes, letting himself imagine it, a little. It was true that he couldn't really picture a future without Shin in it-- he had other rivals, and he knew he would make more, but only Shin really…

_I can help you remember that you have more potential than you think you do_, Shin had said, like he hadn't already-- like seeing him on the field hadn't made Sena realize there was a whole other level of playing that he could chase, like _Kobayakawa Sena, Eyeshield 21, Ace of Notre Dame_ would even exist without him.

"...Well, I hope so," he allowed himself, clutching at his pillow with his free hand. Then, taking a deep breath, he countered, "But I still say you and Homer-kun are the same way! You said yourself that you've known each other forever…!"

"Welllll," Panther drawled, and laughed, and Sena couldn't help but smile at hearing it.

"...And, really-- if you want someone with you at those kinds of dinners who's gonna help you feel like 'just Patrick,' too-- isn't Homer-kun perfect, then?"

There was a beat of silence, and then a _whoosh_ of white noise as Panther sucked in a huge breath.

"...Oh, man, Sena, you just hit me with that one," he said, and Sena laughed with sympathy.

"S-sorry! But, um… where I was originally going with all this, was--! There _is_ a lot of stuff that's changing, and I think it's normal that we're kind of letting stuff get to us that normally wouldn't be a big deal, so… Let's-- support each other, right?"

"Yeah!" Panther's response was immediate and firm. "Let's do it. I got your back too, Sena! Two more years!"

"T-two more years! We can make it--!"

Two more years, but four more weeks until midterms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND TUMBLR REPLIES AND REBLOGS ETC. ETC. aaaa I'm glad people are enjoying things!!!! ///
> 
> \- I didn't exactly mean for the theme of this story to end up being "boys with Imposter Syndrome" and "self-love as an act of kindness" but THEN CAME CHAPTER THREE, I GUESS,


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY for how long this chapter took-- I'm a slow writer at the best of times and a Great Many Things Happened while I was working on it, but here we are at last!

The next few weeks passed faster and faster until Sena was abruptly staring down the last weekend before his biology midterm. Even with Shin's help, it had taken Sena long enough to find his footing in the class that he needed at least an 85 on the midterm for his average quiz grades to skate him along to a comfortable C by finals. With deadlines looming over him, he didn't exactly _forget_ about "training," but he did let it fall to the backburner-- no matter how much Suzuna, Monta and Panther insisted, upon seeing the photo of he and Shin that he did remember to take that one weekend, that instead he had just gotten so used to it that he didn't notice himself doing it anymore.

(The weekend after Sena visited Oujou, Shin had shown up to training in a new workout hoodie, sleek and navy with the Oujou crest over the breast, in contrast to his usual well-worn gray sweatshirt. When Sena complimented him on it, Shin had shrugged and commented that Sakuraba had insisted he needed a new one. It gave Sena a perfect opening to suggest a photo, and the navy of his new hoodie brought out Shin's eyes and suited his complexion more than plain gray ever could, and Sena recited a fervent prayer of thanks to Sakuraba in his head as he texted over the photo-- he and Shin, leaned close together by necessity so that they could both fit in the shot, with the hill where they usually took their lunch as their backdrop.)

A weekend or two after _that_, he told Shin what he needed on the midterm casually as they were finishing up their stretches, and Shin looked at him with such unmasked alarm that he automatically held his hands in front of himself, waving them as if to soothe a wild animal.

"I-I mean! It'll be okay! ...P-probably."

Shin pulled himself to his feet out of stretch like a mountain rising in the distance, and Sena could almost feel himself sweat under his intense stare.

"I-I mean, my quiz grades will probably only keep getting better from here since all your help has already raised them so much, s-so, even if I don't hit the mark on this midterm--!"

"I'll oversee your studying next weekend," Shin responded, cutting through Sena's nervous babbling with the ease of shooing away a fly.

"Umm? O-oh-- I mean-- we're doing a big study group that Sunday night; you don't have to put yourself out!" Sena protested, waving his hands even more frantically.

"Cramming the night before an exam is not recommended," Shin replied, unmoved. "You should do the bulk of your studying in the coming week, but if you do need a night to review a large amount of the material, that should be on Saturday to give the information time to consolidate. Sunday should be necessary for only a light review. You will pass."

And, well, Sena was planning on studying all night Saturday anyway, and he could hardly refuse Shin's kindness when Shin _wasn't_ backing it up with cutting-edge Studying Science, and so the Saturday before Sena's midterm they found themselves on the train back to Enma for a full afternoon of studying.

Together.

\-----

Sena didn't actually consider the implications of that until they got back to his room, and after tidily setting aside his shoes and bookbag, Shin turned to him and asked, "May I borrow your shower?"

"Huh?" Sena asked, and after a long enough pause in which he tried to get his brain back online that even Shin noticed it, Shin gestured helpfully to the door leading to his and Monta's shared bathroom.

"Oh. Oh! Y-yeah, I guess it's going to be-- longer until you're going home today-- that makes sense--" It was very kind of Shin to just watch him patiently while he rapidly spat out half-sentences and processed them in real time, Sena thought, and he finally managed, "S-sure! Of course! Help yourself--!"

Apparently totally at ease, Shin simply nodded, pulled an extra set of clothes from his bag, and retreated to the bathroom.

Which left Sena with nothing to do but think about Shin in the shower, which was _far too dangerous_ a line of thought given that Shin apparently had every intention of spending the entire afternoon with him, and Sena was about to hurriedly set to arranging their things on the study table like that was at all a sufficient distraction from the sound of running water in the next room when his phone chimed.

It was Panther, and Sena's heart leapt a little at seeing news from him. He'd messaged first thing in the morning with a picture of he and Homer, both of them looking stylish but casual in preparation for the football players' dinner that Homer had of course agreed to go to. His jacket suited him particularly well, and Panther had shyly passed along that he loved it, and thanked Sena again for the idea of a gift. Sena had wished them good luck and to have fun before his breakfast that morning.

Now, several hours later, Panther was passing along an update.

_dinner went awesome!! homer got a lot of attention for his exchange thing_

_everyone liked him a lot_

_I like him a lot_

_sena i like him so much_

Sena smiled, sympathetic and also a little amused with the suspicion that however Panther and Homer had decided to relax after dinner, it had probably involved things that they technically weren't supposed to be drinking until another birthday had passed. He decided against teasing him for it, and instead messaged back:

_Im glad you had fun!!_

_is he sleeping?_

_nah were just chillin hes grabbin snacks_

_be careful with your phone_

_I kno I kno_

_I kinda wanna tell him_

（ 〇□〇）……!

_you could!_

_maybe tomorrow tho?_

_youre tipsy right?_

_I knooooooooo_

_what do you do when you just wanna make heart eyes at shin and daydream lol_

_um_

_I think i just do it and he doesnt notice_

_LOL_

_not fair_

_wait is he over there?_

_yeah hes in the shower_

（ 〇□〇）……!

_BC WE WERE TRAINING_

_should i say not fair again or im sorry LOL_

_Im sorry_

_he probably takes icy showers for mental training_

_Im not thinking about it!!!_

_SENA_

_LOL well i gtg. good luck man_

_you too!!_

Thankfully (and unsurprisingly), Shin was quick in the shower and emerged shortly after Panther said goodbye and before Sena had time to _actually_ start thinking about it, though he probably could have used a little more time to let his face cool back down after how bold he'd gotten during their chat.

"It's free," Shin announced redundantly, as if Sena hadn't snapped to wide-eyed attention as soon as the door had opened and wasn't staring at the beads of moisture slipping down from Shin's still-damp, towel-tousled hair.

"Y-yes!" Sena yelped, rocketing to his feet and rummaging through his dresser for an acceptable change of clothes before darting back toward the restroom, where--

Shin was still standing in the doorway, watching him evenly, unmoved and unstartled by their sudden proximity.

Sena rocked back on his heels to prevent the momentum of his sudden stop from carrying him forward to crash into Shin's chest. Not that Shin would have had any problem stopping him or catching him, but-- Shin made no move to do either, and the unexpectedness of that kept Sena from voicing his usual deluge of reflexive apologies.

It wasn't the first time Shin had watched him like this, but-- there was something a little soft in his expression this time, in contrast to the sharp intensity Sena usually found when he couldn't quite decipher the thought behind Shin's eyes. He looked… thoughtful. Distracted, almost, though his gaze never broke from Sena's.

"Um," Sena said finally, when the silence stretched too long and Shin still didn't move. He clutched his change of clothes to his chest, and noticed how some of Shin's eyelashes were clumped together from moisture, and he didn't step back either. "M-my turn?"

Shin blinked, and took a slow breath, large enough that Sena could actually see the way it changed the set of his shoulders as his lungs filled.

"Yes," he said, and took a step to the side to allow Sena to pass. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Sena responded slowly, and he stepped through the door, letting it click shut gently behind him. Despite the slow, careful movements, his heart was pounding.

There was still steam clinging to the bathroom mirror, residual warmth sinking into Sena's skin as he undressed. Shin had taken a hot shower after all.

Sena didn't.

\-----

There was something strangely intimate about hanging out with Shin in his casual clothes-- they'd been to some more social football-related events before, sure, but usually they were either in their uniforms or their workout gear. Adding in the near-domesticity of being freshly out of the shower, it was almost a miracle that Sena was able to buckle down and actually get any studying done-- but, he _was_ very nervous about the midterm, and Shin was in top tutoring form, reviewing his notes and carefully digging into any spots he felt were lacking in depth and context. Sena surprised himself by actually being able to answer a lot of Shin's questions without too much difficulty, particularly when Shin fed him a little bit of context. He was actually feeling something like a swell of hope, when Shin asked if Sena had saved his previous quiz and exam forms, and asked to see them.

"Oh, w-well," Sena hemmed and hawed, but he didn't think he'd ever be able to outlast Shin's heavy, expectant gaze, and moments later he was sheepishly passing over a stack of test forms, only a handful of which had grades starting with a digit higher than 5.

He couldn't quite bring himself to look at Shin as he paged silently through the forms, eyes flicking over grades, questions, and answers. He startled extra violently then, when Shin finally hummed in acknowledgment and set the papers on the table with a firm nod.

"This is good," Shin said, and Sena stared.

"...I-I made a 26 on that one?" Sena offered, pointing to the offending paper as if Shin possibly had misread the pertinent information.

"Yes," Shin confirmed, unshaken, "but you've shown a much more advanced understanding of material that builds on the concepts introduced in that unit since then. This is an excellent measure of your growth."

"Is it…?" Sena shuffled through the forms dubiously. Sure, he could see how the concepts were related now, but depending on what questions the teacher asked, he felt like he might be back to square 26.

Again, Shin nodded.

"Yes. Have you ever gone back to rewatch footage of your early games?"

Sena sat up a little straighter, interest piqued.

"Yeah! Well, er, that's kind of embarrassing, too, though…"

"It's only embarrassing because you're focusing on all the ways the Eyeshield 21 from then is different from you, instead of the ways you are different from him," Shin explained patiently, and with that casual confidence that Sena thought he'd never probably be able to mirror. "You're seeing your past mistakes rather than recognizing your current growth. Confronting your past weaknesses is also valuable in terms of allowing you to examine if your current behavior reflects any of the same patterns."

Sena nodded slowly. He wasn't sure he entirely understood, but-- he trusted that Shin knew what he was talking about.

"Then… what patterns are in my old tests? It kind of seems like the only pattern was not studying hard enough, haha...."

Shin shook his head.

"It's less likely not studying enough and more likely not studying correctly," he began, "but even beyond that, you can see several places where you changed away from the correct answer to a different one. Lacking confidence in yourself has also been a pattern in your football."

Sena looked back to his papers, and looking closely, saw the faded off-color places where he had erased an answer. Underneath his surprise that Shin had even noticed that in his brief time flipping through the sheets, he turned that information over in his head.

"So I need to trust myself more… Or-- commit, like I do when there's a play I know I can have a breakthrough with?"

"Yes," Shin said, and sat up straighter, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Exactly like football. Whenever you face a challenge on the field, you rise to meet it rather than telling yourself that you can't, or merely keeping your head down and trying to make it through the game. Those moments are when you're at your strongest."

The words weren't anything pretty, but Sena felt a little flutter in his chest as he watched Shin speak. Once, he'd asked Shin what team he would want to play for in the NFL. Shin had politely demurred at first with a line about how it would be an honor to play on the professional stage regardless of the team, but when Sena had gently pressed him, he had launched into an analysis of his top three teams. He'd sat straight and counted off pros and cons on his fingers, smiling slightly as he balanced his own strengths and weaknesses against the makeup of each team. His voice had been as placid as ever, but the methodical way he made his way through his points revealed that he'd thought about it before, and he'd shone a little bit with the light that came from voicing your favorite things, from talking about your future.

Talking about Sena on the field now, he looked like he had back then.

"It-- it makes it easier," Sena said before he could overthink it, before his voice got stuck in his chest. "Um-- taking on something new. When I have you to push me."

Shin nodded, but there was a slight tilt to the angle of his head when he asked, "The encouragement?"

"N-no," Sena said, and then backtracked, "well, yeah, but-- b-because it's you. It's like-- I told you on the train, right? I want… to be a good match for you. E-even if it's not football, you just-- make me want to be better."

He didn't know what was making him say all of it. There was just something about Shin talking about him like that-- like Shin _thought about_ him, breaking him down like a series of football plays, like there was a part of his mind that was dedicated to some kind of study of _The Strengths, Weaknesses and Character of Kobayakawa Sena_\-- that made him want to show Shin _I think about you too._

In front of him, Shin's eyes crept a little wider, and he didn't respond immediately, quietly surprised. He had-- probably been a little too honest, too fast, Sena thought, responding to Shin just giving him normal advice by essentially telling him _no, when I'm at my strongest is when I'm thinking about you_ in a more muddled combination of words, but he couldn't bring himself to try and take it back or cover it up with rapid-fire rambling. It just-- it was true.__

_ _But then Shin finally blinked, and he looked at the table, and he said, "You inspire me, too."_ _

_ _And the abrupt rush of affection Sena felt for him, as he effortlessly cut through the fillers and backtrackings and loose ends in Sena's nervous rambling and pulled out a crystal-clear summary of exactly what Sena meant, made it easy for Sena to take another step, cross another yard, and say, "I hope we… get to keep doing that. In-- in the NFL."_ _

_ _"We will," Shin said with no doubt in his smile, and Sena knew it wasn't a promise, but his heart skipped a little anyway._ _

_ _\-----_ _

_ _They got back to work after that, Shin looking back to the tabletop spread with books and flashcards with the smallest sigh softening his smile, and saying that he didn't mean to distract from Sena's work, and they should keep going._ _

It took Sena a little bit of time to really get back into it-- to be able to focus on RNA and homeostasis and organelles, instead of Shin's smile and steadfast encouragement and admission that _you inspire me, too_\-- but he eventually reached a point where the answers were coming to him again, and he didn't have to ask Shin to repeat each flashcard so he could actually hear the question. 

__

Even with the thought of his midterm looming, however, once Sena was actually capable of thinking about biology again, he found that he wasn't really nervous. The room felt warm and comfortable, and he found himself brushing off his mistakes with a laugh and a _okay, we'll come back to that one_ or _ahhh, I'll get it next time!_ instead of an apology and frantic recitation under his breath. After their conversation, it felt like-- being on the field. There was something important on the line, sure, but there was also that underlying feeling of _I can get it right if I just try enough_, which he had never really experienced when it came to schoolwork before. 

_ _But-- Shin believed in him, and he was right: Sena had a much better chance of making it through if his goal for studying wasn't just to cross his fingers and hope that he would skate by._ _

_ _Eventually, though, Sena's energy and attention began to flag again, even with Shin's carefully-timed breaks in which Sena was meant to eat a snack, stretch, walk up and down the hallways, or even just rest his eyes in what Shin explained was meant to prevent desensitization to the material. Often for these breaks, though, they just ended up chatting, Sena asking Shin about different pictures that he'd seen on his corkboard while they stretched or Shin furrowing his brow as Sena tried to explain the appeal of the new reality show that all of Shin's teammates had been talking about recently._ _

_ _Shin nodded when Sena sheepishly admitted that he thought he needed a longer break before the final stretch of studying._ _

_ _"We could have an early dinner," he suggested, checking the clock on Sena's wall. "The walk would likely do us both some good."_ _

_ _Dinner with Shin. Sena willed away the blush that wanted to rise in his cheeks at the idea and nodded, mentally reviewing the places nearby that he and the rest of the team liked to go to occasionally after practice. Which of them had the healthiest options--?_ _

_ _"Yeah, a walk and then dinner sounds great!" He leaned back from the table, stretching his arms over his head. "There's a place nearby that has really good katsudon, but they've also got fancy salads and that kind of thing if you're being careful about your dinner?"_ _

_ _He relaxed out of his stretch, looking to Shin to see how the suggestion was striking him, and Shin nodded and pushed up from the table quickly._ _

_ _"That sounds fine. Salads with many toppings are actually often loaded with fats, but they're easy to ask for modifications to." He was already looking toward the door, and Sena scrambled to his feet to not keep him waiting._ _

_ _"There's a lot of other options down that way too, so we can definitely find something that you like…!" Sena fretted, but Shin shook his head, following him as he patted down his pockets to make sure he had his wallet and keys and led his way to the door._ _

"I accommodated for likely spending dinner together when I made my meal plan for this weekend, so I have more flexibility today," Shin explained, and meal plans _definitely_ weren't romantic, so Sena _definitely_ didn't almost trip over his own feet at the thought that Shin had already been anticipating having dinner with him. That would be _very ridiculous._

_ _"O-oh, cool, well, just let me know if you see another place that sounds good," Sena rushed to cut off Shin's expression of concern, so Shin just nodded, and they were on their way._ _

They did end up going to the place with the good katsudon, after Shin glanced over the menu posted outside the restaurant and said it seemed like a good fit. Sena tried his best not to think the word "date" as he slid into a booth across from Shin-- he'd been to this place plenty of times, and even sat in this booth with a good chunk of his teammates before, it wasn't like it was a fancy restaurant or anything-- but there _was_ a love song playing softly over the restaurant speakers and the lighting _was_ just a little bit low and Shin _was_ wearing something other than athleticwear for probably only the fifth time that Sena had ever seen and he _did_ look very good in it.

So if Sena was a little ridiculous when he stammered through his assertion to the waiter that j-j-just water was fine thanks!!, well, who could blame him?

Shin didn't seem to notice, at least, carefully reading the menu over and, Sena assumed, calculating a rough estimate of the nutritional content of each option and comparing it against his meal plan. Forgetting himself, Sena let his quick peek turn into a lingering gaze, smiling gently to himself watching Shin's intensity while deciding what to have for dinner, and then jumped when Shin glanced up at him from the menu.

"Are-- are you finding anything?" He asked, trying not to sound caught, which was hard when Shin was staring at him.

"...Yes," Shin responded after a pause, gaze flickering back to the menu. He set it down on the table in front of him and sat back, folding his arms. The fingers of his right hand were fisted in the fabric of his left sleeve, Sena noticed, and he stared at that, something about the action sticking at the forefront of his mind.

"Er, well, I'm glad," he said belatedly, looking back to Shin's face. "We come here a lot, but I always get the same thing even though other things on the menu sound good, I guess that's kind of boring…"

Shin shrugged.

"I always get the same thing when the team goes out together," he countered. "It's easier to account for in my meal plan that way."

Sena smiled at the easy way Shin brushed off his self-deprecation-- not like he was just saying it to be nice, but as if he really couldn't see any problem. It was silly of him to think that routine-driven Shin, who "didn't do well without structure," as he'd said, would care about someone being overly predictable.

"Do you do that much? Go out with your teammates, I mean," he asked, remembering to clarify before Shin could shoot him that particular blank expression that meant Sena had left half of his thought only in his head again.

Shin shrugged.

"I don't join in as frequently as Sakuraba, but I like to go," he said. "Particularly given that we're getting closer to graduation. Our time as the Silver Knights is limited."

And there was a lot Sena wanted to ask about that, but it was then that the waiter appeared to take their orders. Sena got his usual (and eyed the drinks menu longingly as the waiter gathered it up to whisk away-- it _was_ Saturday, but he still had a good hour at least of studying to go), and Shin actually opted for a platter of grilled meat and veggies, asking for the sauce on the side. As the waiter fluttered off with their orders, Sena was able to bring the conversation back around.

"Splitting up from the team is hard, huh? Thinking about graduation. I still see them a lot, but I miss the other Devil Bats all the time…"

Shin nodded, saying, "Yes. It's been an interesting challenge adapting to facing former teammates as opponents instead, but I do miss getting to play alongside our former members like Takami."

Sena nodded enthusiastically, thinking about his friends spread among the various university teams that competed under the Rice Bowl.

"I know! It's really fun to face off against Hiruma-san and Musashi-san and the others, but I miss getting to play with them too… And it's also interesting to play with our old rivals as teammates-- though, I guess Oujou got less transfers in than the rest of us," he said, realizing.

"Our team is largely former White Knights, yes," Shin confirmed, nodding. "But those of us on Team Japan did get to experience that during the Youth World Cup."

Sena grinned with remembering. They had teamed up for the World Cup in both Sena's first and second years of high school, and the feeling of fighting alongside Shin instead of against him hadn't been any less exhilarating the second time.

"The Cup was so fun! Getting to work with you and Sakuraba-san and everyone on the same side… You guys as teammates made me feel so confident!"

Shin smiled softly as well as he tipped his head slightly in acknowledgement, eyes on his water glass.

"Yes. Playing alongside each other only gave me an even greater respect for your abilities," he said, and then before Sena could start sputtering over how _that was way too nice, and anyway all of his abilities were just due to everyone else's help_, Shin continued, "I also feel as if the experience deepened our understanding of each other's playing styles, which only made us evolve as rivals as well."

Which was an interesting thought, and way less embarrassing than the other part, so Sena latched onto the topic gratefully.

"Yeah! Planning plays together was really… we all got to know each other a lot better for the next times we faced off, right? It was fun." And then, somehow riding the high of those memories, it didn't feel scary at all for Sena to press onward and ask, "Shin-- if, you know, just thinking about if we both got into the NFL together-- would you want to be teammates or rivals?"

The smile faded from Shin's face, but it was replaced by an expression of deep contemplation rather than any kind of upset or derision, so Sena didn't let it make his heart race.

"There are pros and cons to each situation," Shin finally said, slowly. "I feel as if we're able to help each other grow as players regardless of whether we're playing as teammates or rivals. And so…"

He lapsed into silent thought, and Sena filled the silence with a feeling of his own, less embarrassing to say after admitting as much earlier:

"Playing against you really inspires me, and I think I'd miss that if we were teammates," he said, "but…"

Shin nodded.

"But, we would have to live in different states to play for separate teams," he said simply, and Sena felt his cheeks go hot and his mouth go dry. He nodded numbly, unable to respond in words following Shin's casual admission that he'd considered the idea that they'd have to live apart in the future-- that he'd even _thought_ about that, and that it had an impact on what he wanted-- but Shin apparently had no idea what it was doing to him, because when he continued the thought, he pushed it even further.

"I've become accustomed to seeing you more frequently than that would allow."

And then he took a sip of his water, like Sena wouldn't need every drop of it to save his life once he spontaneously combusted in his seat.

Sena mirrored him desperately, hoping that Shin wouldn't notice the tiny tell-tale clinking of the ice cubes in his glass as his hand shook around it. He let his breath out in an exaggerated gust after taking a much bigger sip (_chug_) than Shin, and managed to stammer out, "W-well, we got through my third year!"

Shin shook his head lightly. He hadn't let go off his glass, fingers still circling it firmly, skin wet from condensation. Sena stared.

"I knew when you were coming back," he said. Like he'd been waiting for it. Sena suddenly had an image in his mind of Shin standing at the calendar in his room, crossing off days, and he squeezed his eyes shut against it.

"I'd miss you too," was all he could say. As ever, he couldn't just-- lie to Shin. Couldn't leave the sentiment unanswered. Couldn't leave Shin alone on the field, he thought, Sakuraba's words echoing in his head. "I-I'd have to get better at writing letters," he finally finished, lamely, not necessarily trying to mask the sincerity of his words but just trying to move on from it.

Shin blinked.

"Letters?" He questioned, and Sena nodded, taking another sip that wasn't nearly as bracing as it could have been.

"W-well, it would be hard for us to use a phone or laptop or anything like I do with Panther now, so-- letters, right?"

He could almost imagine that, too-- it wouldn't be anything like getting to see Shin every weekend, it wouldn't make up for that at all, but… The thought of exchanging letters, of reading Shin's carefully chosen thoughts and knowing they were meant for him specifically, of maybe occasionally receiving or sending off a photo to be pinned to matching corkboards-- it was far from perfect, but it did help ease the tight knot that snarled up in Sena's chest whenever he thought of having to go months, seasons, years without actually getting to see Shin across from him.

Shin's response was slow.

"...To keep in touch," he said, as if he were imagining it himself, and a little bit as if he were surprised.

Sena remembered his puzzled expression when he'd offered him the protein pouches, and it made answering easy.

"I don't think I could go without staying in touch," he admitted, trying to keep the jitters out of his voice even if controlling the nervous wobble in his grin was a lost cause. "W-well, I mean, not that you'd have to write me back--"

"I would," Shin said, almost interrupting, no longer slow. "I'd write."

Sena's heart thumped in his chest, but his smile was firmer as he met Shin's eyes across the table.

"S-so, we've got a plan, then," he said, and Shin returned his smile softly, and that's when their food arrived.

It was easy to pick the conversation back up on a safer topic following the flurry of _thank you_s and clattering plates. Seeing Shin methodically create some space between each piece of meat on his plate so they would cool faster, Sena thought back to that evening in his first year of high school, Oujou and Deimon alike shoved in around tables of grilled meat and shoveling the pieces in before they could even cool.

"...Do you ever watch your old videos?" He asked.

Shin glanced up at him quietly, eyebrows ever-so-slightly raised as he waited for Sena to clarify. Instead of kicking himself for not being fast enough to do it first this time, Sena just found himself smiling with a little warm rush at the recognition that Shin was somehow used to his non-sequiturs at this point. He'd felt so awkward around Shin back then at that restaurant, even as Shin was giving him advice-- he wouldn't have even been able to imagine sitting across from Shin for a one-on-one dinner without just melting into a puddle of nerves back then.

"Well, we were talking about mine earlier, and watching them to see-- progress," Sena continued slowly, "Do you ever watch your own games?"

"Yes," Shin said, expression smoothing over with clarity. "I try to use them to spot patterns and ensure that I haven't fallen back into old habits, like we discussed."

Sena nodded thoughtfully.

"What kind of habits…? I guess you've always seemed so put-together to me, and missed plays for you seemed more like circumstance than actual errors," he said, and at Shin's unmoving face, scrambled to clarify, "E-er, not that I'm looking for weaknesses or anything--!"

Shin shook his head, waving Sena's babbling aside.

"You always assume others are thinking the worst of you," he said, and Sena ducked his head in a grimacing nod, because that was true, but he glanced up in surprise as Shin continued. "My habit… is similar, in terms of making assumptions, I suppose. Sometimes I trust too firmly that I can predict my teammate's and opponent's behaviors and moods. I assume that possibilities are between two outcomes at most, and middle-ground options don't occur to me."

Shin let out a slow breath, something that Sena had noticed over time was usually accompanied by a subtle shift in the tension in his shoulders or how tightly his hands were gripped around something, and Shin met his eyes as he finished, "I have to remember that people can surprise me, and carefully reassess before making new decisions."

Sena hummed thoughtfully with a slow nod, searching his memory for examples. He thought of Sakuraba, describing Shin as putting people into concrete, unchangeable boxes.

"You've always seemed really flexible on the field to me," he said slowly, "And you don't let set-backs discourage you, which is-- well, you know."

"Which is what you struggle with," Shin said, nodding. "No, you're right. I'm usually able to adapt quickly when I've made a miscalculation, but sometimes that initial mistake is all that it takes to change the pace of the game."

"I guess, yeah," Sena responded, chewing his katsu and swallowing. "But-- um, that seems like a lot of pressure to put on yourself? To predict everyone perfectly."

Shin's chopsticks stilled momentarily on their way back to his plate, and he inclined his head in acknowledgment after a moment.

"It was. I've been doing better to… actively communicate with the Silver Knights, compared to the White Knights, so that it's only my opponents that are left to guesswork." He frowned slightly, belatedly setting his chopsticks down on his plate before grabbing his water glass. "I'm not sure why the habit was so difficult to form, but it's been helpful."

_He was out there alone on the field for so long that I think for a while he forgot that wasn't the default, you know?_

"...I'm that that it's helped," Sena said, smiling against the feeling of a bruise twinging on his heart. "It's… definitely easier playing when it's everyone carrying the load together, right?"

"Yes." Shin nodded, his eyes a little warm now that his brow wasn't pinched over them in thought. "Becoming captain in third year made it easier for me to learn to delegate, I think."

Sena grinned, and contrasted it with a theatrical groan.

"Right?! Being captain was so hard! I definitely couldn't have done it by myself! The others really saved me there!"

Shin nodded, lips quirked in a small, fond smile at the memories, and Sena was seized by the sense of childish accomplishment that he always got when he made Shin smile. He grabbed his water glass and raised it, playful.

"To us, for getting through it!" He said, and was delighted when Shin raised his own glass to clink it lightly to Sena's.

"Yes," Shin agreed, smile turning slightly bemused, and Sena felt so dizzy with it that the sip he took afterwards may as well have been alcohol after all.

"Now we just have to get through the rest of the semester," he said, buzzing a little with energy. And then, remembering: "Oh! Did you get your literature midterm back yesterday? I totally forgot to ask!"

"I did," Shin answered, his hand still around his water glass where he had put it down. He seemed to be watching the ice in it swirl slightly in the aftermath of the movement, suddenly still himself. Sena's smile faltered slightly.

"How did it go…?" He asked, a little hesitant. He couldn't imagine that Shin had _failed_, as little as he knew about poetry to guess, but maybe even something like a C or B wasn't okay for Shin…?

"I made an 86," Shin answered, drawing his hand away from his glass and wiping it on a napkin.

"Oh! That's not bad," Sena said, a little hopefully, and relaxed when Shin nodded.

"Yes," he agreed. His eyes stayed on his plate as he fastidiously separated two pieces of meat that were stuck together. "My professor said that it was a good effort, and emphasized that her personal feelings on the collection wasn't as important as whether it was true to my inspiration."

"Oh, that's good! Right?" Shin seemed relaxed enough, but watching the way he was almost playing with his food, eyes firmly on his plate, Sena felt the need just to-- check.

Shin did glance up at him then, and his expression looked honest as he replied, "Yes, I'm satisfied with it."

"Good!" Sena smiled, relieved, and it was maybe that in combination with the desire to keep Shin looking at him that made him move quickly on. "Oh, Shin, how's your food?"

"It's good," Shin replied with a firm nod of approval.

"It looks good," Sena commented, peering at Shin's dish. "I think Unsui-san has gotten that before."

"Shinryuuji had a strong focus on maintaining a healthy diet," Shin said with a nod. "I'm sure he's carried those lessons over."

He picked up a piece of meat between his chopsticks and paused, glancing up at Sena.

"Do you want to try some?"

That was a normal thing to do with friends, Sena told himself as flashes of Shin feeding him across the table flickered through his head. He nodded enthusiastically to cover it, chirping, "--Sure!"

Shin's hands were steady and careful as he dipped the meat into the sauce that he had barely touched himself so far, and reached across the table to set it along the edge of Sena's bowl. Sena caught himself wanting to follow Shin's hands with his eyes rather than attending to the food itself, and hurriedly popped the piece into his mouth.

The meat was tender, smoky, and sweet from the dipping sauce. Sena was almost distracted by it, closing his eyes and letting out an appreciative _mmh_ as he chewed. He swallowed thickly and looked back to Shin as he enthused, "It's really good--!"

"...Yes," Shin replied after a beat, and Sena let his habitual manners keep him from allowing himself to overthink what that pause was for.

"Do you want to try some of mine?" He asked, pinching a piece of katsu between his chopsticks and raising them demonstratively. The shifting light caught in the ridges of fried breading and glistening katsu sauce, full of fats and sugars respectively, and he frowned, starting to lower his chopsticks. "Er, well, I guess it's--"

His voice shuddered to a stop in his chest as Shin reached forward to let his fingers curl around Sena's wrist, tugging his hand back up and out so that Shin could lean in and deftly nip the piece of katsu from between his chopsticks, lips not even ghosting against the wood.

He chewed thoroughly, releasing Sena's wrist. Sena let his hand fall back to the tabletop and gripped the edge of the table like a lifeline, trying to remember how a person breathed in a, you know, casual way, and so it was Shin that broke the silence.

"It's good," he said simply, thumbing a bit of katsu sauce from the corner of his lips and licking it clean.

"It's… okay for your meal plan?" Sena managed, voice thin.

Shin shrugged, and met Sena's eyes for the first time since he'd touched his wrist.

"It doesn't have to be perfect," he said.

And if he'd been able to catch his breath, or think in actual words, Sena thought he would have told him everything right then, but as it was he just grinned helplessly and ducked his head to keep eating.

\-----

They finished eating, and paid their checks-- separately, though a stupider-but-braver part of Sena wanted to say _Let me get it this time; you can get the next one, Shin_\-- and walked back toward Enma. There were dark clouds gathering overhead, and a chilled wind swept past them, making their footsteps a little faster than they intended, but Sena still felt warm and light from dinner, the savory smell from the restaurant seeming to linger in his memory far past the time it should have faded.

He just felt… content. That was what Shin did for him, he thought-- even with the unique brand of fluster that he actually _caused_ for Sena, when it came to his default anxieties and self-doubt, something about Shin being with him helped him think past those things to the actual situation, the actual reality around him, instead of his overblown projections and predictions about what might be coming next _if if if._

And so now, walking back to his dorm with the wind blowing cold around them, he could think about the studying that he still had left ahead of him-- about how he still didn't understand most of the topics that dipped into biochemistry, and how if he failed this class, he would have to take it again by himself and it would put him behind on his degree plan, and he'd have taken up so much of Shin's time without anything to show for it, and if he couldn't even learn biology how could he expect himself to learn _English_ before he tried to go to the US-- but he didn't.

Because what was actually happening was, he and Shin were walking back from a dinner where they had chatted and smiled and had a good time, and Shin had curled a hand around his wrist and taken what Sena had offered him without hesitation, and they were standing close enough for their arms to brush as they walked, drawn together against the wind, and the quiet didn't feel awkward at all.

He would tell Shin someday, he thought suddenly, with certainty. It just seemed unfair, that Shin could make him feel like this-- change so much about the way he thought, change the direction of his life, quiet down that voice that said _what if_\-- and never know. Not today, no, and-- if he was honest with himself, probably not until Shin was about to leave for the US, so it wouldn't have to sit awkward between them, and there would be some kind of buffer of distance to help it fade by the time they saw each other again-- but he would tell him, for sure, and that thought made it feel a little less scary.

The first raindrops began to fall almost as they reached campus, only a few minutes away from Sena's dorm. The cold drops drew Sena out of his thoughts and he actually paused, glancing up like he'd be able to see the rain forming in the clouds above. Each drop felt a little bit like a reminder as it hit his skin, each one a _what if_ of its own, but he stubbornly wanted to preserve that sense of warm security that had been draped around his and Shin's shoulders for the whole walk back.

So he lowered his eyes back from the sky to Shin, and grinned sheepishly as he said, "Shin, let's race?"

Shin didn't even give him time to feel silly about it before he nodded, leaning into a starting stance.

"All right," he said, and Sena lined up next to him, and they counted down to _go!_

Sena reached the dorm building doors just an instant before Shin, laughing breathlessly, a little damp from the rain coming down harder and harder as they ran. Shin flashed a small, indulgent smile at him as he caught his own breath, dabbing rainwater from his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Are you ready?" Shin asked once Sena's breathing and laughter had levelled out, and Sena found that he was-- the few minutes of racing, head emptying out to focus only on his feet and his breathing and the sound of Shin's footsteps thumping out-of-sync with his own, had done exactly what he'd wanted it to. He knew he still had work ahead of him, but it was just studying. He could do that.

"Yeah," he answered, and they walked back to Sena's dorm room to settle in.

It did go well, in the end. Sena couldn't answer every question, no, and there were certain topics that he just couldn't beat into a shape that he could understand even with Shin's patient explanations and the help of science 101 channels on Youtube, but he felt like he'd successfully carried over that feeling of purposeful clarify from their race into his studying. It had felt surprisingly peaceful, even with the sound of the rain and wind whipping up in intensity outside the building, and he felt like he had a pretty good shot at that 85 on the test by the end of things.

He had just finished telling Shin so, leaning comfortably back from the study table on both of his palms after flipping all of his notes closed with a sense of comforting finality, when a huge clap of thunder sounded close enough to shake the windows. Sena yelped, and even Shin tensed, glancing at the window like it might run the risk of actually leaping free of its frame.

"...Whoa," Sena said finally when nothing else happened, and he threw Shin a nervous grin. "That was crazy! I thought the rain would die down while we were studying, but it's only gotten worse…"

Shin nodded, frowning.

"I didn't realize it was supposed to rain tonight," he said, glancing back to where his bag was. He definitely didn't have an umbrella in there, Sena knew, since he'd discovered that Shin never carried one sometime in third year, when Shin had shrugged off his concern over a surprise rainshower during their training and jogged off to go home in the rain.

But even if he _had_ had one, now that the rain had turned into an actual _storm_, with lightning and everything…

"Let me check when it's supposed to die down," Sena offered, opening up the weather app on his phone. "It looks like it was supposed to go west and they weren't expecting it to turn this way… oh."

Shin made a questioning noise. Sena looked up at him, wide-eyed.

"Th-they think it's gonna keep getting worse until, um, 2am or so," he said. "Are you sure you want to go out in all that? It sounds pretty bad--!"

Shin hesitated.

"...I wouldn't want to impose," he said, finally, and Sena shook his head rapidly.

"Not at all--! You can stay! U-um, they have extra futons in a supply closet out in the hallway, and we can bring one of those in here, or, I mean, Unsui-san and Kurita-san also live in the dorms and I bet they'd be fine with it if you wanted to stay with them, um, you've already spent all day with me so if you don't want to stay--"

Sena could feel himself amping up to keep going on and on with no end in sight, as rapid as his thoughts were flickering by him-- he wanted to make sure Shin knew he was welcome to stay, but also felt like he had to emphasize that it didn't have to be with, you know, _Sena_, because not putting that out there would definitely make him feel like he had some kind of ulterior motive when he really just didn't want Shin to get struck by lightning or swept away by a flash flood or just, you know, end up with a cold because he'd decided to be so nice and spend all day helping Sena-- and he was on the verge of feeling a little light-headed when Shin apparently decided that it was enough.

"Sena," he said, and Sena's mouth snapped shut like Shin had some kind of secret access to his "Stop" button. Seeing that Sena had, in fact, stopped, Shin inclined his shoulders slightly in a shallow bow and said, "Thank you for the offer. I'll stay here."

"O-okay," Sena said, and that was that.

They went and bought Shin a toothbrush from the convenience store on the ground floor of the dorm building, and in the meantime Sena texted Unsui to see if he had anything that Shin could borrow to work as pajamas, and while Unsui and Shin were making very blunt smalltalk that was rapidly turning into probing questions about football strategy-- Unsui wasn't as bad as Hiruma or Takami when it came to info-gathering, Sena had discovered, but only just barely-- Sena texted Suzuna and Monta to let them know that Shin was staying the night ("BECAUSE OF THE STORM," he specified, multiple times,) and that if they busted into his room and said anything to blow his cover he was never going to speak to them again.

And then he texted them that he was turning off his phone, and then-- after one last check to make sure he hadn't missed any updates from Panther-- he did.

They made their way back to Sena's room and set aside Shin's gathered things, settling back around the study table for lack of anything else to do. It was too early for bed, and thus too early to get Shin's spare futon, since Sena's room was too small to fit it without shoving the table in the corner. Sena spent a moment staring at the table top, twiddling his thumbs and wondering how exactly he was going to be a good host for Shin over the next few hours when Shin wasn't exactly the kind of person to enjoy a video-games-and-junk-food sleepover, and then he looked up at Shin and blurted, "Do you want to watch the 1988 Super Bowl?"

And Shin visibly perked up, eyes alight with interest, and said, "Yes. Can we?"

So Sena got out his laptop, and dug through his files until he found it-- a digital copy of the full thing, in as high of quality as possible for a game from the 80s, that Hiruma had acquired _somehow_ and then sent along to him to study when he was stressing out over an upcoming match in his second year of high school-- and set it up for them to watch.

They spent nearly two hours alternating between captivated silence and animated discussion to a backdrop of rain and thunder, with Shin at one point getting so invested that he actually started gesturing to emphasize his points (and with Sena, in turn, being reduced to simply grinning at him and nodding with the occasional dopey "Uh-huh,"), until they took a break at halftime.

They wandered back down to the ground floor convenience store, partially to stretch their legs and partially to get some snacks, and Shin must have still been feeling a little bold from dinner because he only spent a few minutes scrutinizing the nutrition labels before making his choices. As they settled back around the study table with their snacks, Sena's laptop pushed aside and still on pause, Shin said, "Thank you again for offering to let me stay the night."

"Oh, of course! I couldn't make you go out in all that," Sena deflected, with a distant rumble of thunder underscoring his point. "And anyway, I should be thanking you for spending all day helping me out! I really, really appreciate it."

Shin shrugged.

"You also helped me with my literature assignment," he said. "I was able to find more clarity regarding what I really wanted to communicate through your feedback."

"Well, I'm glad if I could help somehow," Sena said, rubbing a hand through his hair sheepishly. "It doesn't feel like a great way to pay you back, but it's the least I could do."

Shin's hands paused in the motion of opening a packet of banana chips, his expression going a little pinched with confusion.

"What do you mean?" He said, voice careful.

"Just-- you're always helping me so much, you know?" Sena shot him a smile, and then looked down at the table. "I never… would have gone to the Christmas Bowl, or America, or still be playing football probably, if it weren't for you."

It felt like a confession, somehow. He didn't look up as he continued, "I-I meant it when I said you push me! And I just-- feel a little bad, that you did all that for me even if you didn't mean to, and I've never really been able to help you like that at all."

He stopped when out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shin's hand raise abruptly, and then fall to the top of the table, fingertips white where Shin was gripping the edge. He looked up, startled, and Shin's expression would have shocked him into silence even if his abortive gesture hadn't.

His eyes were wide, and his lips were pressed into a hard, flat line. He had to pause before he took a breath to speak, the effort of it visible.

"That isn't true," he said, and there was an edge to his voice that Sena had never heard there before.

"Oh--" Sena hesitated, not sure what, exactly, Shin was reacting so strongly to. "I just meant… I feel like I owe you so much…? And I don't feel like I've ever done anything to repay you for it."

Shin shook his head sharply. Sena stared, unused to the jerky, abrupt motion on Shin, and his breath caught when Shin raised his eyes to meet Sena's suddenly, pinning him in place.

"That isn't true," he repeated. "You… Sena. You have done more for… my growth, and my football… No. You've done more for _me_ than anyone else I could name."

His words weren't loud, but they seemed to ring and linger in the sudden silence of the room. Sena blinked rapidly, unable to process what he was hearing.

"Y-you… I mean-- you were already amazing before I ever met you," he protested, a little hesitant in the face of Shin's intensity.

"No," Shin said, and then shook his head again and pinched the bridge of his nose as he gathered his thoughts before continuing. "I've always been a talented football player, yes. But until you, I never…"

He lapsed into silence, clearly struggling over how to say exactly what was on his mind. He was _upset_, Sena realized suddenly, and his mind reeled at the thought-- but he could only sit and watch, blood frozen, a reflexive apology stuck somewhere in his stomach but unable to draw itself out to wipe that expression off of Shin's face.

So it was Shin that broke the silence himself. He let out a breath and said, "Let me show you something," and turned toward his backpack. He reached inside and pulled out a narrow piece of thick, stiff paper folded into multiple pleats.

He offered it to Sena, gaze heavy. Sena accepted it with shaking hands.

He unfolded the board. It was in five sections like an extravagant folding screen, stationary patterned like rice paper pasted to the front. Each section was marked with delicate brush strokes, penning out five poems in calligraphy-- three Sena had seen before, and two he hadn't.

__

_Muscles atrophy._

  
_

You appear along with spring,

_  
_

Promising new growth.

_ | 

__

_As if from a sprint,_

  
_

Thinking of you, my heart storms

_  
_

Though we're standing still.

_ | 

__

_Sunrise and sunset_

  
_

'Til our orbits cross again.

_  
_

I urge time faster.

_  
---|---|---  
  
  


__

_A clear path ahead,_

  
_

A misstep shocks my body.

_  
_

Yet I still feel light.

_ | 

__

_In our world of speed,_

  
_

I linger alongside you

_  
_

Waiting in content.

_  
---|---  
  
"Shin," Sena said. He didn't know where he got the air to say it. His chest felt small and tight. "You said… your collection was supposed to have a theme?"

"Yes," Shin said.

Sena couldn't look at him. His eyes traced and retraced the presentation board, lingering on the brush strokes making up the character for "storm." It didn't look like the writing from Shin's notebook, where he had penned down _storm imagery_ when Sena talked to him about what it felt like to run free on the field. Had Shin done the calligraphy himself? Had he gotten a friend to lend a hand, so the presentation would be perfect?

He drew a breath, and forced it out as a question.

"What was yours?"

"Love," Shin said.

Sena looked up at him. Shin was wearing that expression-- the one he wore when it felt like it was just the two of them on the field, the one he wore when Sena noticed him looking during their stretches, the one he wore on the train while pressing cool fingers to Sena's cheek. 

The one Sena finally had a name for.

_ ** CRACK! ** _

The room was plunged into darkness. Sena startled so hard that his knee smacked loudly and painfully against the study table. He sucked in a hiss as the lights flickered back on, only out for an instant.

"Are you all right?" Shin asked, and Sena scrambled to his feet.

"I-I'm fine! The storm must be getting pretty bad out there!" His voice was too loud. He swallowed hard and continued, "I-I guess we should go ahead and get your futon in case the power goes out again? We can throw it on my mattress until you need it!"

"...Yes," Shin agreed, and stood. Sena immediately went for the door. He could feel Shin's eyes on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look back as they left the room and headed toward the long hallway to the floor's storage closet.

The walk there was silent, which Sena barely noticed over the pitched argument currently raging in his head.

He lead them to the first intersecting hallway leading to the storage closet, and he thought about what he was _doing_, and why he was out here instead of back in his room, telling Shin that he'd been in love with him since high school. (Didn't Shin just confess to him? What else could those poems possible mean?) He listened to the sound of the thunder-- what would have happened if the lights hadn't gone out; hadn't given him a way to run away-- and thought about how this was the best chance he was ever going to get, and why wasn't he using it? (What if he confessed to Shin and Shin told him that it was all about football and rivalry after all, just a platonic sort of love, and then Shin had to leave and sleep in Unsui's room or something because he was too uncomfortable to stay with Sena?) He raised his hand to grip the doorknob to the storage closet and turned it, and thought about how every step they took was just taking them further away from that moment. (What if he wasn't wrong, but Shin was? What if he let himself love Shin openly, and Shin was only disappointed by what he could give him?) He stepped inside the closet, and let Shin step in after him, and thought about how he'd just been thinking earlier that he _was_ going to tell Shin, someday, he couldn't _not_ let him know. (What if he laid out his heart for Shin, and Shin told him he was mistaken, and that's not what the last few months together had meant after all?)

He paused with his hand still lingering on the doorknob, and thought, what if that's what he was doing to Shin, right now?

Shin was quiet next to him, and didn't ask what he was doing. He just watched, silent, as Sena's thoughts tumbled over and over in his mind. (_Waiting in content._)

Sena pulled the door shut behind them, and let his fingers drop from the doorknob. He _had_ thought it earlier-- that Shin was the person who muffled his what ifs, that Shin deserved to know how Sena felt about him, that Shin _did_ help him feel more confident and _did_ help him commit to things and _did_ push him to be brave, and if there was any time to prove it--

He turned to face him.

"Shin-- b-before we…" He cleared his throat, trying again when his voice trembled to a stop. "I w-want to--"

The doorknob suddenly jiggled and started to open. Resolute, Sena slammed it back closed and locked it. _No more interruptions._

"G-give me a minute!" He yelped apologetically, and then turned back toward Shin.

"Kobayakawa," Shin said before he could speak, and Sena's heart dropped, _no, that wasn't right, how do I fix this?_ "You don't have to--"

_Zero to one hundred._

Sena curled his hands into Shin's hoodie, pulled himself up onto his toes, and pressed forward to kiss him.

Shin was frozen against him for a heartstopping moment-- before he seemed to melt, shoulders and lips going pliant where Sena was pressed against him. A bright spark of relief surged through Sena's body, and he tried to channel every bit of that feeling-- and every bit of his love, every bit of his _finally, this is happening_, every bit of his _I'm sorry I kept you waiting_\-- into the way he angled his lips against Shin's, the way he stroked his fingers over the line of his jaw.

Finally, he had to rock back down onto his heels, cheeks and lips flushed and breath a little short.

Shin blinked at him slowly, lips parted, for once at a loss for words rather than considering carefully what it was he wanted to say. Sena felt a shaky smile tugging at his lips.

"I loved your poems," he said, breaking the silence under their slightly rushed breathing.

Shin blinked again, and then smiled, matching Sena's own grin.

"They were for you," he said.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't realize, at first," Sena said, genuinely guilty, and Shin shook his head.

"I'm glad you got to see them all together," he said, and Sena let his hands drift down to take both of Shin's, and they just stared and smiled at each other for a beat.

Glancing down at their linked hands, Sena took a steadying breath. He looked back up with a soft smile, and said, "Shin, I like you."

And then, "I _love_ you."

And then, "E-er, I hope, I mean, I hope that's not weird to say before we really-- i-it's just I've liked you since high school and by now I really--"

And then Shin was smiling at him so softly, so warmly, that he couldn't find any more words to explain himself, and simply smiled back.

"I love you," Shin said, simply, and his posture shifted, just barely bending in Sena's direction, and Sena pressed up onto his toes and kissed him again.

\-----

They decided that they didn't need to bring a spare futon back to Sena's room after all. They apologized to the very bemused group of boys waiting outside the storage closet, and they went back to Sena's room. Sena asked if Shin wanted to finish watching the game from his bed, and Shin said that he did, and they curled up with Sena's head on Shin's shoulder and the laptop set aside on the mattress but not actually playing, their snacks abandoned on the study table.

"I figured it out in second year," Sena admitted, figuring it was safe to say when he'd almost already said so, earlier.

"Hmm?" Shin hummed in question, his nose in Sena's hair.

"O-of high school. That I liked you, I mean," Sena clarified, and tipped his head back so he could glimpse Shin's expression.

"I see." Shin glanced away, in what Sena could now recognize was _shyness_, he made Shin feel _shy_, and admitted, "I figured it out four months ago."

Sena yelped a laugh and covered his face with his hands, bright red.

"Oh nooo," he wailed, laughing, "I've liked you _so much longer_\--"

"No," Shin said, and gently pried one of Sena's hands away from his face to pull him out of hiding. "I've liked you since second year. I didn't realize until four months ago."

Sena stared, and seeing it, Shin added, "Sakuraba helped."

"...We should send Sakuraba-san a fruit basket," Sena said finally, grinning, and turned himself in Shin's arms to cuddle more thoroughly against his chest. He wanted to kiss him again, to make up for lost time, but Shin had looked as close to dazed as Sena had ever seen him every time Sena had kissed him in the storage closet, and he thought it might be a bit much at the moment, and besides, they would have plenty of time, now.

"Yes," Shin agreed, and held him tighter, and Sena sighed in contentment. For a moment, they just breathed together.

"...After our first match," Sena said after that moment, the thought still on his mind, "our very first one, I mean. Hiruma-san hadn't told us that the fall tournament was still coming up, so, um, I thought that was it for me and football."

Shin was quiet, but he shifted under Sena's cheek, and he knew he was listening.

"But I was still posing as the team manager back then, so I was sorting through the pictures we'd taken, and-- and thinking about how much fun I'd had, just in those two games I'd played so far. And then, um, I got to the last picture, and it was you. And I--" He paused, still a little embarrassed (as if there was anything else he could possibly do to embarrass himself after he'd confessed by running away and then turning around and kissing Shin with no build-up), and also because he could feel his eyes beginning to prickle.

"You?" Shin prompted him, his broad palm smoothing over Sena's back.

"I started crying," Sena confessed, and he felt Shin shift to look at him in surprise. "Looking at all the other pictures, I was just thinking about how much fun I'd had, but when I looked at you, I was-- sad. Because I already-- i-it was like-- I knew I was going to be missing out on something. Um. S-something I wouldn't be able to get back, you know?"

He laughed a little, then, releasing some nervous tension, and trying to smooth over the emotion that retelling the memory was bringing back. It was an old memory, and anyway, the only reason he was bringing it up was because--

"So, I mean, probably even all the way back then, a little bit, I was already..." And then he trailed off, because Shin was curling down toward him, and he murmured his name before he kissed him.

They did, eventually, finish watching the game. They also ate their snacks, and brushed their teeth, and Shin changed into the clothes he had borrowed from Unsui-- whose clothes all smelled vaguely of sandalwood, and now Sena knew he was going to associate that with Shin after cuddling into his chest all night, and that was going to get really weird at practice but was worth it-- and Sena turned his phone back on. It was hours later and he was showing Instagram to Shin and talking him through why there was a picture on his timeline of Monta on Riku's shoulders and Suzuna on Monta's shoulders so that she could kabedon Mizumachi, when a pair of LINE notifications popped up at the top of his screen.

They were from Panther, and the first was a picture message. In the photo, Panther was smiling the brightest grin Sena had ever seen on him as a sleep-mussed Homer squished a kiss to his cheek, one hand curving around Panther's chin to hold him close.

The second was a text containing a single word in English that Sena didn't recognize. Grinning, he showed it to Shin and asked him to translate, and after Shin read it aloud to him and explained that it was more of a sound effect than a proper word, Sena knew what he had to do.

He sent Panther back a set of matching messages-- a picture of he and Shin, lying in Sena's bed with Sena's head pillowed against Shin's shoulder, Shin's head tipped toward him so that his chin brushed against Sena's forehead, and a text containing a single word.

_whoosh_ (⸝⸝・◡・⸝⸝) ෆ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT'S ALL FOLKS
> 
> \- the title is from the song of the same name by The Avett Brothers!
> 
> \- this is the first multi-chapter fic I've finished in literally over a decade and I've been working on it in very small chunks off and on since, uh, May 2018, so I'm PRETTY... HYPED... to have finally completed a long-term creative project aaaa ///
> 
> \- thanks so much again for all the feedback and encouragement I LOVE u ALL


End file.
